electricbluemonkey

Thanks to all for the replies. Did anyone think electric guitar was too overpowering. I've been listening to the track and it just seems so loud. But I'm a perfectionist...

Fixed the link...hopefully.

I never was too sure about the classical line, but I just don't wanna say stuff. It sounds too childish. Taking the 'and' out of the 'Hey, ho, let's go' ...

Well, made some changes that you suggested. As I look back, I'm not sure I like it. I'll probably make it longer and change the fourth stanza. It just sounds ...

Well, the nobody really reads the lyrics forum, and I thought I had a better chance of getting it reviewed here. But why should 'All' be in lower-case? It comes ...

Them blues are just all just the same, - Was there a reason for the double "just" here? Well, blues singers have a tendency of repeating 'just' in their songs, ...

Somewhere in the narcotic blur between the smoked oysters, brewed back out in a sea of bile. When the tube fell out of my right lung while I was a ...

Thanks for the input. I really didn't think I could write poetry. I added another stanza that hopefully ties in to the beginning. I also fixed a bit of the ...

Now this is what I like. I've written a bit of abstract poetry myself. The theme is too frantically changed by the last stanza. I could see where your ideas ...

So I'm guessing you posted about it without actually reading it. I made the spacing like that on purpose to show that everything changed.

Quite entertaining. The chorus does seem pretty annoying, but it depends on what kind of music genre it is. It reminds me of the Butthole Surfers (thats a compliment, by ...

Ha. Nice comics though.

I don't really know how to crit haikus, but those are good. The number of syllables are right. Is there a reason nwhy 'Walking down the hall' isn't capitalized right?

I'm excited to see where you're going to go with this. Most of it was really confusing, though, like many people above me said. But I'm sure it will all ...

Ahh, so much empty rhyming! Put down the rhyming dictionary! Some just don't make sense, as Rei pointed out. It was entertaining though, and reminded me of Cake, too. Would ...