Published August 18, 2006
I swear, I can't write anything serious. 
But nonetheless...let me unveil my shiny (and sparkly) first attempt at a sci-fi.
---
December 10, 1985
The news footage- men in pressed white lab coasts huddled around a piece of machinery- might be unassuming any other day. But today, the President lies coiled under a desk in his ivory palace, waiting for the world to end.
Some take the situation with a sense of dignity- fine clothes, reminiscence, and alcohol. Others line the walls of their basements with small piles of ruined fingernails at each person’s feet. (There is at least one family shearing rams, but they are too far removed from civilization to have heard the news.)
A countdown is heard over alarm systems. Last hugs, last smiles, and last peanut butter sandwiches are had right before the forboding voice hits zero.
A missile is launched halfway around the world. (On the television, the men in lab coats cheer beyond breath held in their chests.)
Ten minutes go by. According to the news ticker on the bottom right corner of the screen, the rocket has reached outer space and it preparing to come down. Estimated seconds expire in a flurry of numbers, and America waits in silence.
Two minutes after estimated detonation.
Nothing.
Five minutes after estimated detonation.
Nothing.
(By the time the country has a collective nervous breakdown- approximately twenty minutes later- the men in lab coats are enjoying a celebratory piece of cake.)
After four hours, the mood begins to ease. There are cross-country flights that need to be run. Office meetings that need to be held. Stairs that need to be vacuumed.
Five hours, thirty-six minutes after the world’s biggest prank has been pulled, the President sits up at his desk- tie askew, back stiff. Bodyguards resume normal posture and life round the country goes on as normal.
President McLachlan feels unsatisfied as he sits down to dinner in awkward silence. He needs revenge. He needs to have the Last Laugh. And more importantly, he needs a chiropractor.
The next day, and emergency United Nations summit is head. Everyone but the men in lab coats is invited, and no one is amused but the photographer in the corner, who happens to be reading the newspaper’s comic strips.
The United States receives extra funding, a few immigrants and diplomats, and an obscure island off the shore of northern Canada in sympathy gifts.
And yet, despite widespread kindness, the President is still not satisfied. He appeared weak to his people in the face of panic (and naturally, being a man of power, he is paranoid about the results of such).
Starting immediately, Federal laws are passed at random- no rockets to be made, cars must have a blue stripe on the hood, and children under five must wear protective helmets at all times.
The People are under control- this makes the President feel safer.
Everything goes through the system, but one day, the President is met with opposition.
“Sir, you can’t outlaw a color.”
Henceforth, petitions are forged, campaigns launched, and that particular Justice fired.
The law is passed.
Fifteen years go by. Wars are fought; leaders are reelected (and ousted). Eventually a new worldwide government is unveiled- with Palmer McLachlan, President of the former United States of America, at its head.
There is no more war. There is no more poverty.
Above all, there is no more green.
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... What is the motive for destroying Green?
Nice, wacky little piece. but I dont get it lol.
PFF, this was the intro to my NaNoWriMo, actually...it ended up very weird. Glad you liked it, though!
Thanks again for reading, guys.
Why do you need to outlay a colour? And, not green, it's my favourite colour too, Myth!
It just shows how stupid us humans are.
Why did you write this interesting little piece? I get it, but not many others do!
RR*
Interesting piece (although the word "interesting" is often a cop-out when it comes to opinion). I liked the satire which makes me want to not take the story, and life for that matter, too seriously.
As for the green? Well, I don't know. What better way to show us humans as illogical than to outlaw a color?
Actually, it's the other way around. I breathe in, but it's my last breath.
I found this interesting but confusing, as it did not really make complete sense, especially the green bit. You made me feel dim for missing the joke. Apart from that, I liked the humourous tone that others have mentioned. By the way be careful with breathe, (Pronounced Bre-eth) the noun, and to breath, (pronounced breeth) the verb.
Heh, I'm in the liking of this here begining (is there going to be more?).
.
The downside? I'm actually rather confused about the whole scientist thingy
... men in pressed white lab coats ...
No! You can't take away green - my favourite colour!
Wow! Imagine someone really did take control of the world, I'm curious to know how there is no povety/war.
Thanks, Imp! Excellent sentence ideas- I'll play with those in a bit.
As soon as I figure out how to post the rest of this so that it doesn't bother me.
Hilarious dim irony! Dim in no sense of the word stupid. ^_^ The brief paragraphs and the continued sustained tone of dour gravity made it all the more amusing and satiric. It really wasn't bombastic or flighty enough to be Adams... But as it was you, that hardly matters.
Very neat sentence for the bleakly humourous tone... ^_^
--Only that taken might flow better in the sense and evennes of the sentence, replacing had.
A little awkward...'beyond the breath held in their chests'? 'Beyond held breath'? '...cheered until their breath ran-out and they aped festive shouts silently'?... Perhaps merely the lack of the definite article is what seems amiss - no 'the'. 0o
"By this time the country has a nervous breakdown..." But it might agree with itself in tense better were you write it - "By this time the country was having a collective nervous breakdown - approximately twenty minutes later the ment in lab coats are enjoying..."
-No need of the second dash; only adds confusion.
...the summit is 'held', I hope? Not 'head'. Typo on 'and' as well - 'an'.
...and the final punchline. ^_^ Bizarrely more amusing for being literally coloured green.
As I said before...whatever it was above. This was a funny piece of satiric nonsense.
IMP
Strange, but it has the potential to be quite addicting. After reading it through the second time it made a lot more sense, though there were still a few blank bits (undoubtedly left out by your esteemed personage on purpose!
).
Can't wait to read more!
I'm excited to see where you're going to go with this. Most of it was really confusing, though, like many people above me said.
But I'm sure it will all be unveiled later.
I hope.
Oh, dear.
Well...you guys shall have to tell me if it makes sense in a little bit- and if it's still a hinderance, I'll elaborate.
Snoinkus- Douglas Adams? *glee, to steal her word*
Maybe I'm just dim, but I didn't get it either. Care to elaborate?
Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't get it. What's up with the scientists and the rocket? And why was the color green banned? Maybe I'm just thinking too hard.
Anyways, the only error I found was in:
"The next day, and emergency United Nations summit is head."
Two typos in that.
I think this is one of those weird things that I have to read more of before gaining an opinion. O_o Though I will say that, as of yet, it seems highly improbable for people to have a blue stripe on their cars.
No, but seriously, this is very reminiscent of Doug Adams. I'm not sure what you're going to do with this, but it is quite wild...