darko.demark666

Let not my heart be opened To the perils of the world, To the treachery of Romance no comma here And to sweet, deceitful words. First stanza...all good. Let my ...

It' seems a little pushy...don't you think? You could also correct punctuation at some places... Structure, ha? I like that last stanza more than the other ones. If you write ...

WAITING FOR YOU The smell of rain reaches my heart i would put a period here. And the ongoing thoughts of you here without and Slip from the shadows. that ...

OK. I didn't like it. It's pushy, boring, dull, uninteresting, without any significant thoughts... Sorry... Nobody didn't review your work yet so I gave a shot. If I were you ...

I think that I have already review one of your work today...and I am familiar with the style... So, in the 2nd and 3rd stanza you have a rhyme that ...

The Romance of Jupiter By Angel of Death You're swept up into an ocean of a cosmic persuasion. The sun orbits around your moonless soul and gravity pushes you away ...

...hmmmm...you could post this poem/lyrics/work into the lyrics section... And another thing...Did you try to erase your title in those .."()"...accolades...? I think it'll work much better... 1st sta

Little advice... Try to replace 2nd and 3rd verse...with each other...and the same with two last verses. So...if you're trying to pull the rhyme through the whole poem then do ...

Hola! Now...what happened to punctuation? Nobody (read:rarely) doesn't care anymore for that stuff... What's a footprint? Is that a metaphor for something or? Remove last 2-3 stanzas. It's not pretty ...

Hi! First of all, welcome to YWS... Now the critiques.. Your rhythm scheme is a bit odd. In one verse I see some hope for it and then in another ...

Hi! To tell you the truth right on the beginning; I was thrown back of the computer cause of your spacing, captions and marks... It isn't nice ... But on ...

Love the person that's crazy about you. Love the person that calls you beautiful. Love the person that'd die for you. Love the person that loves you. Love the person ...

Hello...I find your work awesome. I really like the rhythm of this piece. I have just a few critics... You could put some punctuation because this seems too long. 2nd- ...

Through every storm and [s]shadow[/s], Through [s]thunder [/s]and through rain; exchange thunder with shadow.... Let my heart be all-enduring, Numbed to every pain. Though blades may [s]dare to[/s] ha

Welcome to YWS. I remember those days When we were together. We held our hands and we promised- We'll always be together, We'll never let go, We'll always keep on ...