Love the person

haha, i would have addressed some of the problems of this poem, but Kit got here first. as i have before, i find myself agreeing with her. and i find that she has put it better (and kinder) than i possibly could have. but i'll make my feeble attempt anyway.

well, i found this kind of trite. it just seemed like a poorly worded, and very typical, cry for love. i think it would be a lot better if you:
1. expanded on it
2. gave it some flavor (ex: give an atypical definition of love, as kit said)
3. used better wording, which i guess is like giving it more flavor. or flava. whichever spelling you prefer.

anyway, i'd say that you need to remove the foundations that the poem is built on, yet keep the blueprints, to make a construction analogy. i'd also suggest reading more poetry. if you do that, you'll only get better. good luck.

This shows just about nothing of your writing style, so I won't go into depth, only to say there was this Valentines day where someone had put a notice in the paper saying "I love you, even when you have toothpaste goop around your mouth". If you want to continue this idea of repetition and examples, using subtle observations that perhaps go against the candy hearts aesthetic of love would perhaps create a more memorable image. True love is a practical animal, it would be easy if it was all dying for one another, its living with one another that's the problem. It's not them calling you beautiful (although that is quite nice), but looking at you with that hungry quiet awe when you're in your in trackpants, you haven't washed your hair or remotely considered makeup and really you just ran into town for milk. Unless by the person who said "Love me" you meant Mika, in which case, entertaining.

Hey there Luciano! June here!


You have quite a nice base here, you should totally add to this . The demanding tone to this pulls the reader in, and you should have something to sustain our interest to the finish line. Which you do, but you should elaborate a bit on it.

It's short. Short poems are often beautiful and this is. It's kind of just like commanding us without a reason to, but we don't actually need a reason.

You focus on love, but you're not giving any reason for us to focus on it, too. Tell us something about why we should?

You have a delicate rhyme scheme playing here; good job. It's not easy to have any type of rhyme in a poem and not have it seemed forced. You brought it off well, my friend. Brilliant.


*

Now! I don't think you necessarily have to elaborate on anything here (Haha, contradicting to what I said above, but!) it would help alot if you did.

If you give the reader something to relate to you're helping us out a good deal. If you don't-- that's fine. It's good as it is.

I think it's fine as it is . I just couldn't help reading the previous reviews and agreeing that you could have touched a little bit more on this.

Whether you choose to add to this or not is totally up to you. It's good at it is.

Good job, Luciano!

June

I do like this concept, or to show the more cornier side of me, I 'love' this poem


For a first time, very good job.
I think you should do another one like this.
But as said in the other comment, what is love?

Try to add more to this.

Read some Shakespeare sonnets.

Poe is also very good.

So, great job.
All you need to do is add to this more.
Expand it a little.

I like it.

SimplyMe wrote:Love the person
that's crazy about you.
Love the person
that calls you beautiful.
Love the person
that'd die for you.
Love the person
that loves you.
Love the person
that says ''Love me''.

Love me.