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Re: Death Clock
Agony wretches over me as I think who could be next on the evil clock of death. I see you already got many reviews, but this had to be said. ...
Jan 12, 2010 -
Re: House of Mirrors
A man stands in a house of mirrors, which one is the real man with the gun? He tries to escape, the man with the gun follows him through his ...
Jan 12, 2010 -
Re: Gifts
And now you shout . I look a way . You grab my chin, So I must say... I am a witch-child Which child? Witch child. I am a witch ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Kill me
Hey, why don't you try to replace that rap style with quiet, but metal singing? You know - slowly, but "black" ...like in the beginning of "Dead skin mask" by ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Black Magic
Black Magic By Corwin Clampitt Closter phobia kickin' in Walls are getting thin But I’ll be fine Just show me the line It’s getting shorter ever time Harder to define ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Don't you know?
As a poem, this sucked so bad (in so many ways). As a stanza - much better. As a life truth - great...or not. Who ever died from a beer? ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: Just Come Home
Please tell me why? Why have you fought for so long? If I were you, I'd just put these two verses into one. That "please" is not needed here. If ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: House Of Dreams
I O pen the door & i see everything . The period in the end of the verse is ripping the rhythm, why couldn't it be like... with a hyphen ...
Jan 10, 2010 -
Re: real world
How many, how many, how many...stop already-boring and...well...boring. You're repeating and it's not nice to read. It's like you're standing in front of some car with alarm on. :( :( ...
Jul 16, 2009 -
Re: I feel alone
Every night when I come home, I[s]’m[/s] always feel so cold and alone. I have no life outside of school, Not like my mates that hang ‘round the mall. The ...
Jul 16, 2009 -
Re: sarah
There’s a girl who sits in the corner, Grieving of her father’s deathPERIOD No one bothers to cheer her up, They are too busy having fun. This stanza is boring. ...
Jul 16, 2009 -
Re: It's my life
It's my life, It's my eyes, [s]And it's [/s]my way of living[s],[/s] This beginning is kind of too strong for this kind of poem. If I were you, I'd begin ...
Jul 14, 2009 -
Re: I Love You Forever
[s]When I say I love you It doesn’t mean : You’re mine and that’s it It means:[/s] This is like an introduction or what? It's kind of cute, but it's ...
Jul 13, 2009 -
Re: No One Understands
Do you understand? You don’t get it - The pain that’s tearing me apart . [s]Do you understand?[/s] First of all, the repetition doesn't work. Why would you even put ...
Jul 13, 2009 -
Re: It Should've Never Been My First Love
The Love I felt for him, how strong it was for me. A desire he that burned him for two years 4 left [s]unoticed[/s] unnoticed. He loved me , truly ...
Jul 13, 2009
