bubblewrapped

I liked the story, but I did feel the rhyming was a little forced and the rhythm a little shaky. Try reading it out loud and tapping out the syllables ...

That...was remarkably beautiful. My only problem as it was a bit difficult to understand, but once I got to the final verse it became clear. I can't really think of ...

Hmm. There is a lot here that doesn’t need to be, I think, but some parts definitely have potential. Firstly, I think your opening stanza is unnecessary and doesn’t add ...

Welcome to YWS :) I think Angel covered most of the salient points, but there are a couple of things I’d like to point out as well. Firstly, in your ...

Hm. There are some parts which have real potential, but there are other parts that make me scratch my head and wonder why they’re there at all. I love the ...

Mm, it was kind of flat if you ask me. Someone who doesn't understand your character (like me) really doesn't get much out of it, and a good poem should ...

In general, I liked this poem – you took an extremely well-worn and cliché topic and made it personal and interesting. A few things I think you could improve on, ...

For an early attempt at poetry, that was actually really good. You took an extremely cliché topic and made it personal and interesting. A few things to watch for next ...

Hi JFW1415, Here’s your review, as requested :) In general, I quite like this poem. As you said, the idea is not a new one, but I like what you’ve ...

The ending was what made this poem for me. The idea of “pits of love” was simultaneously funny and fitting. The rest of it, though, suffers not only for being ...

Well, to be honest, I was came away feeling kind of meh about the poem. It seemed like you were trying to communicate something, but the point just never got ...

This was definitely a good start. I like the way you used the cement as a theme throughout. You need some practice when it comes to rhyming – a few ...

LOL I loved this; it’s light, but also carries some force and comes directly to the point. I guess you could say I found it charming (it also helps that ...

I liked it, and yet there was something lacking. I’m not quite sure what it was, so I’m going to go through verse by verse and see if I can ...

Sweet and simple - I like it :) It does get a bit tedious, the repetition of the same structure over so many verses, so you might want to think ...