Young Writers Society

I love this and I can relate to this alot. I can't really review what I like so I will leave it at that!

I find that when it comes to poetry it's better to abbreviate like saying it's instead of it is, it helps keep a rythm and pace in the poem. That's just my opinion though and it isn't really a criticism, just some advice. It was a good poem and I'm really pleased at just how good it was. I remember the first poem I wrote, it sucked majorly, so I'm really pleased at how much better you did Hope you write more and if you do, please tell me and I will read/review them

Incog, will you always be my friend?

Ha. Your attempt at poetry. I can't believe I didn't see it earlier .... Well, here's my attempt at a review.

Sometimes when you look at me,

it looks as if you are in love.

That look would tell it all,

but it is not me you are thinking of.

And then there is time I feel so loved,

when in me you do confide.

Thanks all of you. I will certainly take your advice into concern the next time I decide to try to write poetry again.

I am kind of surprised. I was expected people to have it fully torn apart by now.

I'm guessing why you added "inside" was to indicate internal feelings was so the message wouldn't be misinterpreted?
I don't think it really needs to be there. It kind of threw me off for a second and I think that most people with a semblance of maturity wont take it for a sexually explicit meaning. (If that was why you added it.)

Other than that, there were a couple of lines that ended without commas, although I have no idea if that is a poetry "no, no" or not.

Unfortunately your rhythm is a little off track, particularly from the third verse onwards. You might want to try reading the poem aloud and tapping out the beats to yourself with a pen or pencil – it will help you get the gist of how many syllables and so on that you will need in each line.

As a corollary to that, watch your line length. Don’t try to force the rhyme, but don’t be afraid to experiment with different words to see what fits best.

Next time, I suggest that you try out a few literary devices – metaphors, similes, analogies and the like. Play on the reader’s senses and try to get them to really feel what it is like to be in such a position.

Your title was interesting "I'll always be your friend" I feel it doesn't connect to the poem...however I did connect to the poem in general, I know plenty of love sick people in that situation, I think you portrayed the contrast well.

Hello

Your title was interesting "I'll always be your friend" I feel it doesn't connect to the poem...however I did connect to the poem in general, I know plenty of love sick people in that situation, I think you portrayed the contrast well.

Thanks,

Roly :0)

For an early attempt at poetry, that was actually really good. You took an extremely cliché topic and made it personal and interesting.

A few things to watch for next time:

Firstly, your rhyming is mostly awesome. I love the first verse in particular. Unfortunately your rhythm is a little off track, particularly from the third verse onwards. You might want to try reading the poem aloud and tapping out the beats to yourself with a pen or pencil – it will help you get the gist of how many syllables and so on that you will need in each line.

As a corollary to that, watch your line length. Don’t try to force the rhyme, but don’t be afraid to experiment with different words to see what fits best.

Secondly, and finally, poetry is a lot like prose in that it works best if you show, don’t tell. In this poem, for example, you’ve addressed it to the person in question and are telling them how you think and feel. That’s great for a starting point, but I’ve always felt that the purpose of poetry is to convey your experience in such a way that others feel it with you. People will sympathise with the poet here, but you will probably not provoke the same feelings in them. Next time, I suggest that you try out a few literary devices – metaphors, similes, analogies and the like. Play on the reader’s senses and try to get them to really feel what it is like to be in such a position.

Otherwise, this was excellent. With a bit of practice, we’ll make a poet out of you in no time!

Look forward to seeing more of your work

Cheers,
~bubbles

Yay--Very good...Mind you, as I've written before, I know little about the rules of poetry myself, but the story is awesome and one that I have personal experience with.

Hit a cord, ya did.

But it kills me to hear
how good that person makes you feel inside.