antimelrose

I'm afraid that you haven't give us, the audience, a lot to work with. And if the author doesn't even understand what he or she wrote, how can the readers? ...

Well, it has a lot of potential, but your descriptions are so smothered by cliches that they hurt the poem. "Mist danced" (and mist moves rather slowly, so I don't ...

Um... I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit harsh. The first thing I noticed was how loaded this was with cliches. It felt so shallow, so unrealistic.... and I ...

I think you should scrap this, mainly because it is simply saturated with cliches. Not to mention that it came across as shallow; nothing stirred my emotions when I read ...

Hello Venturepants! I would say that the poem initially starts off a little weak, but strengthens considerably by the end. I think that there were a few cliches in there–describing ...

Your commas are overabundant, and it disrupts the flow of the poem. Take out just about all of them, and you should be good to go. For a comma separates ...

Hello sealegs! Once again you're messing around with parenthesis in the title, and this time I think I might get it! Buying or burying, that is the question; what are ...

Your imagery is effective and surprising, but why write a poem about not wanting to? You have such excellent potential for this poem, but it ends up being a waste ...

Well, Hannah pretty much nailed all the stuff I'd tweak with it, but in the end this remains an excellent, strong work. You don't stray from the theme and your ...

Awwwwwwww. How sweet. The grammar was horrible, but the idea of a YWS convention sounds great. The only problem is that it's on the wrong coast for me... I don't ...

I feel that with each stanza the poem got stronger, for it felt rather weak in the beginning. Once I realized that you weren't trying to rhyme, the whole thing ...

Hello, DRdante! I like how most of the meter felt unforced, and often musical (after reading it I was wondering why this wasn't in the Lyrics section!). True, the rhyme ...

I'm sorry that you're getting so many mixed messages, and unfortunately my comment will only add to the diversity. This poem had a similar "list" structure to another poem, "Thirteen ...

Well, the critique on the rhyme scheme has already been mentioned by the above, so I won't really go into what you've already been told. I thought the subject matter ...

Well, I'd say it isn't bad. I think WritingWords covered a lot of the tweaks I'd suggest, and the main one I want to add is the second to last ...