Young Writers Society

Hey, Redbird! I'm here as your Secret Santa~

The first big question I have is "What on earth is this poem about!?"
When I was in the best class I ever took in college, the biggest thing my teacher taught me about writing was to beware the words like "it", "this", and "that", because they are easily misinterpreted. An "it", "this", or a "that" refers back to the last thing that was named, usually.
In this poem, however, you never have a concrete concept for the "this" in the second stanza to refer back to. The entire first stanza describes the concept you want to focus on. It says what it is like, so there's no moment of definition.

There might have been a reveal in the third stanza, but there wasn't because there were two conflicting possibilities: anger or fear.

And I guess the bigger problem is your description of whatever concept you want to focus on is so non-specific we can't even guess whether it's anger or fear. Anything could be like a knife. Anything could be dark in the light. Even joy could be described like a knife in certain circumstances. And please take a look at the last two lines of the first stanza:

as alike as
anything can be.

Hi!

So, I think I felt a little cheated when reading this poem. This is simply because it could be so much better, be filled with so much more detail then it has right now. I like the idea behind it and what it could become, but the actual meat of the story just seemed a little thin and lacking. as much, I'll do a stanza-by-stanza critique of this.

Shining like a knife,
dark in the light,
as alike as
anything can be.

To this I owe nothing.
And yet, I come back
again and again.

Anger rears,
but I pay no heed,
for Fear
is beyond such things.

#0000BF ">O.k. I read this poem and I left with nothing but confusion. If there is some deep meaning to this poem I don't see it. I think you need to give more information. #FF0080 ">It seems as if your stanzas are trying to be the same, but aren't working together. I am sorry I couldn't help more.
A. S.

Ack! Ack! Bill the Cat! Omg, your avvie is amazing, RedBird!

Now, to the poem! It's really really random right now... which makes sense because you don't even know what it means! And that's okay... really! Now, to make it really poetic, look at it and think of what it could mean. Think about it for a while and then, when you think you have an answer, expand on t his. Your poetry will be that much better, honest.

I'm afraid that you haven't give us, the audience, a lot to work with. And if the author doesn't even understand what he or she wrote, how can the readers?

The first stanza is loaded with cliche–esque imagery, and is opaque. Remove it.

Your rhythm/meter is irregular from stanza to stanza, which is something I think you should fix.

Second stanza is confusing because it refers to some truth we were supposed to have gathered from the previous, but as I already mentioned, this is impossible.

And, well, the third stanza reads like complete nonsense.

I shall be frank. Post only what you understand; and if no one else does, at least you can clarify for them. Otherwise, don't even bother.

–antimelrose

Hey,

It is a good poem, but not all of it makes sense. I do like the part about the knife. Is it meant to be like a thing of darkness and danger in light of peace. (if not, then ignore what I said. It's just my lame opinion.)

The part that doesn't make sense to me is the part, 'as alike as anything can be.' How is it alike? What is it alike to? When you write, if you don't understand what is said, then the reads probably won't either.

But it was pretty good. Keep it up.