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Re: Some Haikus
Predator: Lion stalking prey/ This sounds a bit primal. Rudimentary. Maybe try "lions stalk thier prey"? Camoflauged in the long dead grass/ You are trying to fill the spaces here. ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: I wonder Why
The begining is great. Thenbyou start to write like my brother. My brother is ten. With a learning disability. No offense but seriously. Everyone is right. Grammar dude. Grammar. Not ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Second Chance Chapter - Chapter Four
Oh oh oh oh this looks goood. Is there more? Can you give me the links for them? Pwetty pweez? I will review each one if you want. Because this ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Human Life
I think basic content is good, so im gonna go deeper. First lemme say you contradict yourself. Probably on purpose. Moving on. I disagree. We were indeed made to die. ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: an old poem I found in my old diary
No much to review? You guys are just lazy. Okay: On an autumn breeze/ this makes them separated. Maybe try "with an" autumn must be capitalized. Red and gold flutter ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Misrepresented Guardians
Mixed emotions here. First : OH MAH GAWD THIS IS EPICCC!!!!!!!! emotional and mystical and its like WHAM! then SMASH! and so exciting and omg omg omg omg omg! Then ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Silent Deceit
Deff dont change it. Ive tried changing songs. It just screws it up. so im just layin down the facts here. You struggled in the beginning but as the song ...
May 1, 2011 -
Re: Rejection
"'Cuz why should I tell you how I feel/if you don't even care?" Favoritest lines ever!! Seriously that quote just about sums up the pain. Yep. Nitpicks: "How can you ...
Apr 30, 2011 -
Re: Pull the Trigger
I like how you werent afraid to ask questions that you migh have never asked. Bcausr who really knows? Ive come VERY close to suicide, and I can tell you ...
Apr 23, 2011 -
Re: The Outcast:C3:Windy Days
Hehehe, you did it again. You used warm twice in the first stanza. This one is actually better than chapter 2. Hmmmm. Try putting "its a tornado" in quotes. Or ...
Apr 21, 2011 -
Re: Outside your window
The title makes it sound creepy. But man is this good! Nitpicks: "Glistens" should be glisten. Or make "skins" skin. The second verse uses "our" too much. I know its ...
Apr 20, 2011 -
Re: These Rains
That was great! Your wording was superb, great job. In my opinion the only najor down fall here is the begining is hazy. I see glimpses of vibrant imagery but ...
Apr 20, 2011 -
Re: The Outcast:C1:I was Normal
You dont give yourself much credit. That was awesome. I know i should criticize, but for me, it was brilliant. The emotion was strong vespecially the image of being pried ...
Apr 19, 2011 -
Re: M-I-M
That was actually really cool. I quite enjoyed it. My favorites are the third and last stanzas. I ghink the story you held was so ensnaringvthat it was easy to ...
Apr 10, 2011 -
Re: Sleeping Blizzard
that was really good.. and i think i like falling better. what are the plastic cans exactly? so, lemme think... this poem is like in the artic or something? thats ...
Mar 29, 2011