TOC: topic79659.html
Prolouge
(The under-dashes represent spacing that I can't represent with actual spaces on a webpage) The spacing is very important to that "Easter Egg." Hint hint.
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Canary word: Present
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140,592 Literary Works • 673,545 Reviews
I loved this =)
I found the easter egg, but I don't actually have any criticism to give you, so this is a semi-pointless review. I just wanted to say I found the easter egg, even if that was unhelpful...
Hey Shadow!
Umm.... I don't know... This line just needs fixing....Thanks for the review request, sorry it took so long. I've been dealing with a bunch of crummy tests lately. :/ But here I am!
Grammer:
Yeah, that needs to be changed too. Maybe, Things seem fine, but fine things seem makes it sound like you are referring to fine objects and then don't tell us what they seem like....
Suggestions:
I just don't like the flow with this. I don't know if you are shooting for a real poem in all respects, but if so, I think this throws off the flow. Too many words.
I believe this should be split up. To look like this:
_then crying as loud as possible
when they tried to pry me out.
Your choice I guess....
Likes:
Hmm I think this was my favorite part.
I also like the idea of what your doing. It is fairly original, out of the norm. It is cool.
Overall: I didn't really find many problems with it, I like it for what it is. I feel a little confused though, and that could be fixed in the next umm... Chapters? So I don't think that is really too big of a problem. Anyways, congratz, and keep writing. I know I didn't write a lot, but honestly, there wasn't much to edit or correct. It was good!
~HostofHorus
I loved it. You judge yourself too harshly. It was beautifully written, emotional and powerful. Keep posting
Everything Vee said explained it all. The poem had epic imagery, and beautiful rhythm. I loved it, the best thing I've reviewed since my own poems, really I am having writers block, I think. Anyway, no offense. Your awesome. Keep writing. Peace love and I think you know how the rest of my logo goes. I'm rambling, too much kool aid.
You dont give yourself much credit. That was awesome. I know i should criticize, but for me, it was brilliant. The emotion was strong vespecially the image of being pried from security. That was nice. The entire poem gave a feeling of anxious depression. This is reaaly nice, knight. It made me wanna just run up to you take your face iny hands and stare at you and tell you that peple do ncare, you have a friend. At least me, probably others. it was great. (excuse my typos)