On an autum breeze
red and gold flutter and fly
weaving through the sky
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No much to review? You guys are just lazy. Okay:
On an autumn breeze/ this makes them separated. Maybe try "with an" autumn must be capitalized.
Red and gold flutter and fly/ red and gold is good because those are two major colos in a leaf when it changes. Bjuuuuut. When a leaf falls, if there is only a breeze as you stated, then the leaves will not fly. Flutter maybe, but not fly. They would drift, fall, slowly descend. Something like that.
Weaving through the sky/ i like the idea of weaving, but once again, it is only a breeze. Maybe make the breeze a wind. Something stronger. Or instead of weaving, maybe something like falling through the air, or drifting like a od or something. But i really like weaving so i think you should keep it.
Overall it is a good hiaku. There is alot here, wether hou realize it or not. It flows nice how it ks, and if you want to bkeep it how it is,by all means keep bit. My mitpicks are just technical things. This is poetry, not an essay. Good job, and keep writing.
Hi.. I really don't know what to say.. Yeah it was really very short.. Though the three lines are good enough but in my opinion I think you ought to add something more to it.. I say that because with the lack of lines there is a bit confusion and that feeling of incompleteness in it.. adding more will certainly put that away... That's all I can say...
harshita..
I loved it! I know there's not much to review, but it IS a haiku.
I think there is good imagery in there, and I really liked how you made the leaf colours red and gold, and not say, brown and orange, it adds a more mystical/fantasy air to it.
Also it's brilliant how you don't even say what the haiku is about, and leave it to the reader's imagination, it really makes them think, and connect to the piece.
Only thing I'd say is, autum should be Autumn.
Keep up the writing! ^_^
~Tinkem
well there is not alot else i can put, it is a haiku, unless you know i wrote a tanka to go with it but still that doesnt add much....
Um...nice but not much to look at to critique. Is there more to come?
autum should be Autumn