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Re: Terror In High School- Chapter 1
Hi and welcome to YWS! Overall, I think you did pretty well. You did good at describing the setting so far. But I think you need to work on not ...
Oct 14, 2014 -
Re: The Secret....Chapter One
Hi! Welcome to YWS! Overall it's fairly good. But I think you need to work on showing the MC's emotions and thoughts since it is in first person. I also ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: If a Rose..
Hi ariannastamper33! Welcome to YWS :) I believe that this is an example of how just a small amount of sentences can go a long way. I love how you ...
Sep 23, 2014 -
Re: How the Wind Blows | Chapter Two
Hi! I like your story so far :) There's not much left for me to say since the other reviewers covered most of it but there's this: 'What the heck ...
Sep 16, 2014 -
Re: How the Wind Blows | Chapter One
Hi, Welcome to YWS! Overall it's fairly good. But I think this is kind of short for a first chapter. Some things that I think you need to work on ...
Sep 16, 2014 -
Re: 9/12
Hi, welcome to YWS! Right off the bat I notice that you didn't capitalize hardly any words... You also need to describe the setting because when you mentioned backpack I ...
Sep 13, 2014 -
Re: There Is No Battle-Chapter 1
Hey greekdork! I think this is very good! Overall, you did great on describing the scenes. But I think you could add a bit more emotion. Since you wrote in ...
Sep 10, 2014 -
Re: The Epidemic: Chapter 2
Hi Legend! :D Overall it's fairly good but I think you could have lengthened it and added a little more detail. I agree with GeeLyria. I think you should add ...
Sep 9, 2014 -
Re: 1
This seems really interesting so far. I'm assuming that this is set in the future because they're trying to improve the child's overall immune system and it just sounds like ...
Sep 8, 2014 -
Re: Unblocking the writer's block
This actually helped me get over writer's block! I tend to get caught up in editing but #5 reminded me not to get too caught up in it. I tried ...
Sep 6, 2014 -
Re: Prologue - Fallen Angelle
Hi Soulfulwriter! Welcome to YWS! Overall, I think you did fairly good. I think you need to be a bit more descriptive on the MC's emotions which, I believe, is ...
Sep 5, 2014 -
Re: Prologue
Hi! I would like to start off by welcoming you to yws! (even though I'm fairly new here myself) But, welcome! XD Anyways, back to the review. Overall, I think ...
Sep 3, 2014 -
Re: Forgotten
Hi Sarah :) Overall, I like the detailing and I want to know more about the whole seeker and the forgotten prospect. You need to stick to one tense. I've ...
Aug 24, 2014 -
Re: Our Common Ritual
I think this is really good! It sheds new light on the subject of gym class. The first sentence is a good eye catcher because it makes me want to ...
Aug 23, 2014