Sureal

Ooh, I like what you have so far. A few mistakes I noticed: ‘Oh God’ I thought. ‘how could I leave anyone in that situation let alone my best friend. ...

I think you could describe the people shooting (and being shot) a bit better. Just saying, 'killing anyone who got in their way' feels very empty, and just don't paint ...

Nice read :). There's one bit that confuses me slightly: If I had put it in other words it would have been quite difficult not to sound dull, for I ...

Ooh, and intriguing (and well written) beginning. Bravo :). My only suggestion is this: ‘Heck, I’m hardly making sense.’ I think that could maybe do with some sort of emphasise ...

An interesting start to your story :), this certainly has some potential, and I like the setting. You have a problem with the formatting - I assume you used indents ...

I don't know, I rather liked it. It certainly had feeling in it (including the last lines). I'm not sure how I'd improve it (but then, I was never much ...

I feel he's a grossly underrated author because no one except my brother knows about Terry Pratchett in my family. Underated :?? All of his latest books have reached number ...

An interessting setting and general storyline (you have the background of your two characters well set out), but this suffers from one main problem: You tell loads, and show little. ...

Illegal immigrants actually help lower prices of products. They'll work longer and harder for less money - which is actually one of the reasons why they're disliked. If America succeeds ...

Beautifully random. Boy 3 deserves to win an award. On the flip side, '[Person showers. Other walks up. Squirts shampoo into eyes. Weeping person nodding.]' Is slightly confusing. I had ...

Some of this is okay. However, I recommend you don't act like you've just OD on speed. Insulting people is fine (you can't be a nice stand up comidian - ...

I think the main problem with this is that you've taken all the best jokes from the movie, and then repeated them - only without the context, set-up or timing ...

First thing first - the formatting is off. Not really a major problem, but you’re meant to double space between every paragraph, not just few of them (you have clumps ...

*kicks stag* Anyway, on the story - all through it I had a smile hovering on my face. The feeling of looking at your story - only to realise it's ...

I’m feeling in a critical kindda mood today. To maker life easier for me, I’ll critique each entry on its own. First Entry The descriptive entrance for this doesn’t feel ...