Hi Dynamo!
I'm here many years later to review your work! If you ever see this, happy RevMo 2020 xD
Code Red! Code Red! Intruders In Sector G4! Intruders In Sector G4!
I like the repetition here, it's reminiscent of a machine voice which is I think what you were going for.
Alarms blared and red lights flashed on and off in what seemed like a government facility of some type.
Interesting use of the word 'seemed'. It already makes me wonder who our narrator is, given that they don't seem to be clear on the location.
A group of heavily armed soldiers ran down the long corridors, killing anyone who got in their way.
I think 'killing' could be replaced with a more impactful word. Perhaps 'eliminating'? or 'taking out'?
In the middle of the room was a large tube filled with wires and green liquid. All the wires in the tube were connected to one thing, a child. The young boy looked to be no older than two years of age. His dark hair flowed like waves within the green liquid. Two stubby, dark purple wings grew out of his back.
I think you could build up to this a bit more.
The dream left Darc in a panic. He was sitting up in his bed gasping for air, a cold sweat rolled down his brow. He fought to catch his breath and calm his senses.
Just a thought, books beginning with a dream are very cliche. If you ever revise this I would consider whether you really need ir or if you can just jump straight into chapter 1.
Overall though, a good start that throws us right into the action. I also really liked the name choice for Darc!
That's all from me
Icy
Points: 154417
Reviews: 1487
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