SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL Script:
By Elizabeth Mathers
4-5-06
[Introduction]
Narrator: Are you sick and tired of getting shampoo in your eyes and crying in the shower?
[Person showers. Another person walks up with bottle in hands. Squirts shampoo into eyes. Weeping person nodding.]
Do you get a scare every time your mother tells you to wash your hair?
[Woman scolding smaller figure. Screaming.]
Are you sick of people mistaking you for that Elvis guy because your hair is so greasy from lack of hygiene that you can make your hair spiral upwards?[Whacky hairdo. Nodding.]
Don’t you wish you could have a shampoo that didn’t make you cry, scaring you from washing your Crisco covered hair?
[Thinking pose. Smiles. Nodding.]
[Scene 1]
Narrator: Then you need SQUIRTY’S HEAD FRIENDLY AND HYGENITC NON-CRYING FORMULA! ... Um – SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO! Use it while you wash your hair and never cry while doing it again! Once, twice, don’t use it three times in the same hour, you could go bald!
[Person washes hair. *One Hour Later on Third Handful* Hair falls out. Screaming.]
SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO is kid friendly, you can even leave your children unsupervised with it. Heck, they can even drink it without any side affects!
[Small print: Side affects may include itching, burning, intestinal issues, bladder issues, issues within issues, depression, vomiting, nausea, like for cottage cheese, blah bloo blee blah blah bloo blah, brain deterioration, insanity, addiction to SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO]
[Scene 2]
Narrator: Don’t believe us? Well just ask some of the people who have used SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO and see what they have to say!
Girl 1: [Weeping] My mommy bought me SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO and I used it then my cat jumped into the tub –
Boy 1: [Scared] I used the stuff once and been obsessed by cheese and Lego blocks.
Girl 2: [Posh] I had golden locks that nobody could touch. I had high forms of shampoo and health needs. I was rich you know, but then one day we went bankrupt and all we could afford was this lousy shampoo.
Girl 1: [Theatrical] Then my cat jumped into the tub and the bottle spilled all over her and she began to smoke and –
Boy 2: [Twitchy] I once had to use SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, got some in my ear, and couldn’t hear for a week. NOBODY TOLD ME IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOUR EARS!
Boy 3: [Mysterious] I once knew a guy who knew a guy who knew this guy, who knew me, and it was me, that I once used it and then knew the capital of Arkansas.
Old Woman: [Like an old person] What? Why am I here? You kidnapped me! ... Where is Greta? I miss Greta… would you like some cookies.
Girl 1: [Insane] AND THEN MY CAT STARTED ON FIRE AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM AND FELL OUT MY WINDOW AND DIED AND SHE’S DEAD AND NOT COMING BACK!!! SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO MADE MY CAT LIGHT ON FIRE! F*** YOU!
Narrator: … … … … SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, the shampoo that makes everybody smile! Drop by your nearest store and by some today! SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, so good that it’ll make you cry! Not the contents and chemicals in the shampoo, just the… prices… [Coughs]
[Warning: do not get SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO on human body.][/b]
------------
I was in the bathtub washing my hair when inspiration for this came... cut me some slack, of course this was about a month ago as well...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
This is hilarious!! You should right comercials for a living!!
By the way I used that stuff and now i can see the future
rotfl!! XD I heart funny scripts. This sounds like something me and my friend would write together... we're award winning authors ya know... anyways, great hilarious commercial script thingy.
Me and a few friends were thinking of doing this in live action... instead of just the crappy cartoon I made without any help whatsoever... because I WAS ALL THE VOICES... but yeah...
I'll like... get onto that.
God damn, I love this script of mine.
Wow, don't you love how old posts get brought back up? This script was great but what is with you people and killing cats?
Very funny. I didn't see any grammatical errors, and even if I did, I forgot them.
And I liked your commercial on youtube. The voices were funny.
One thing.. In media and English, they akways say to use 3 things in every list, especialy if you're trying to persuade someone to do/buy somthing. So maybe with the introduction, you should have 3 statements, and not 4? Give a better effect.. Just my oppinion. Other than that. Loved it
x
haha this is really great.
I wish I could use it for my school's dinner theater.
randomness is good. keep it up =]
Wow... hilarious. And the YouTube video with it, amazing. Homophones are tricky ("buy" for "by" in "by some now"), but it was well written, and I laughed.
kaolin, get a life...
As to the script, I really enjoyed it... I have an irresistable urge to go wash my hair*
LOL
It was funny and had humor - way better than most advertisements, hehe.
anyone know ware i can get some of that stuff...
my cat is starting to piss me off and she likes getting baths...
thats kinda weird...
that was very clever!
lexy
xxx
Very, VERY odd! But funny, and the YouTube was a bit of light relief from my homework.
Thanks!
RR*
Hilarious. Bizarre, but hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxUe4QrTprg
SQUIRTY'S TEARLESS SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL IS NOW A MOVIE ON YOUTUBE!!!!
See it now... OR ELSE!
This was really funny, and random!
Narrator: Are you sick and tired of getting shampoo in your eyes and crying in the shower?
[Person showers. Another person walks up with bottle in hands. Squirts shampoo into eyes. Weeping person nodding.]
There EBM does that help a bit? Yeah I think it was "Other walks up" that confused you.
I should do that... I'll call Greg and then I'll get some costumes... or I'll call Colton or something.... *strokes somebodys beard* *person runs away* Me: WAIT I CAN'T THINK WITHOUT YOU!
Beautifully random. Boy 3 deserves to win an award.
. You should get your hands on a digital camera (preferably a decent one) and make this with some friends. Could be fun.
On the flip side,
'[Person showers. Other walks up. Squirts shampoo into eyes. Weeping person nodding.]'
Is slightly confusing. I had to read through this bit a couple of times to work out what happended (and I'm still not entirely sure if I'm right).
But other than that, tis be great
This is sooo funny! LOL!
Hmmmmmmmmm . . .
I think that says it all.
Lol
Very humorous, i enjoyed it a lot 
XD
I so totally want to buy some now... I can hear the announcer in my head.
How can he be angry at you for losing an Effing baseball game?
Did he use Squirty's before he played? it would have given him skills.
*Uses shampoo the previous night. Comes to grounds the next morning with bat ready. Arms fall off. Hits ball with face and teeth. Makes a home run. Is knocked out and can't run the lap.*
We are not liable...
*stares*
by the way, he's still angry at me. my god, it's an effing baseball game....
but this cheered me up