Stori

No replies yet? Shame, I say! The story made me laugh, and the quotes were well-done. I'd give it an A+.

Thanks Nariel. And about the name, I think it should be pronounced "seven." What do you think?

Not bad, but you should leave out the space between lines.

I expected the boy's parents to tell hime someone he knew died. Nice surprise, though. Is there more to this?

Wait just a minute. If they're using laser weapons, would they need to reload? You might want to think about that.

I think everyone else covered the basics. So, I'll just say you've inspired me to write in my own journal.

One thing I think you should know: the name of a ship is usually put in italics.

It's not bad actually. You broke the rhyme scheme at the end of the second stanza. For if mine is chosen, so are all; And self-knowledge is no chain alone.

This was very good. But shouldn't it be in Nonfiction?

I think it's good. Although, I was wondering if you mean "wind-capped sky" in stanza two.

Um. This could use quite a bit more description. What did the crowd look like? Were there multiple nationalities there? Did Willam look confident, annoyed, eager, what? Try answering those ...

Is the next one about a cat? *hopeful* I love cats. Anyway, I noticed that when the MC was seeing through the fox's eyes you switched from present to past ...

I notice that in the second entry it says '15/4/09.' Shouldn't it be 12?

Um. I had some more to this, though I'm not sure what happened to it. As for research, I agree on that score.

Le wow. That was amazing. The description was good, and use of second-person really helped.