Thoughts of a Traveller
Runic scribings in my veins
Writ of music, writ of Cain;
A path unchosen, the future ordained
Treading a path to which I am chained.
Ordered yes, but stagnating? No
A chartered freedom seems not so.
For if mine is chosen, so are all;
And self-knowledge is no chain alone.
To know one’s path is binding,
for the path lies in the finding.
To know is to have found the path;
thus, to know is to be aftermath.
I'm trying to expand out of a rather limited range, soif anyone has any advice, no matter how harsh brutal or just plain sadistic, fire away.
Cheerio,
Rubric
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there
So firstly, I think you should be more natural in your poetry but of course it depends on what you're writing about.
I have no clue what you're talking about here- if your what is chosen? and the meaning of the second sentence can not be discerned from what we've read before this. Is this related to the next stanza? If so, your punctuation should suggest that.
In the last stanza, the repetition of the word path doesn't flow well, and:
I understand these two phrases on their own, but their connection needs some work.
Also, the last two phrases leave me more lost.
I think basically you need to explain yourself more, and let yourself just flow more naturally than assume that every time you're keying something down it should be like .... well, your avatar (assuming most of your writing is like your avatar).
Hope that helps, somehow.
~Duke
This poem rhymes, but it doesn't really say anything. Focus more on your meaning more than the rhyming--that's what matters anyway.
It's not bad actually. You broke the rhyme scheme at the end of the second stanza.