Squall

I finished chapter 3 and can't be bothered going on as it was starting to get cliche. Your characters all seem to be nothing but weak. Seriously.They seem to have ...

Ok please space your paragraphs. I had a struggle in reading this. -He was wanted four murdering five cities and three villages, but hopefully she didn’t know that.- This bit ...

First of all, can you please space your paragraphs? Ok onto nitty gritty of chapter 1 -The amount of killings was rising, and these humans were killed like all the ...

-Dawn had finished all her homework at Study Hall. - Isn't there meant to be a "the" in front of Study Hall? -The loong hike up the stairs- Typo hon ...

The flash left imprints of the man's shocked face to be forever imprinted her mind. This bit is awkward when I read it. Change it. Your story has potential but ...

Hrmm interesting. It seems there are some actions behind the scenes. I loved the fact that you made a new fantasy creature. Hope you will be successful in it. The ...

I thought it lacked scenary description and setting. Other than that, it was ok. Maybe because this was only the prologue that I didn't enjoy it that much. Looking for ...

This was a good read Hunter. Loved the way you described the action. The sceneary descriptions accompanied the emotions of the characters well. My only concern is that I didn't ...

Hrmm I aien't really interested in settings in fantasy taking place in real life but that's just my opinion. Anyhoo it had caught my interest..until after the second transition. The ...

In his earlier years he was a bigheaded mercenary who had an awful lot of sex . When you put that bit in, then you have totally killed your story. ...

Interesting, I loved your descriptions, gave me a strong idea of where the story takes place. The problem why you aren't geting much critiques is usually people don't have much ...

You have good descriptions...but too much of it and the plot was kinda slow. But I'm interested to see where this will head, this kinda reminds me of kindgom hearts ...

I liked your story. Good descriptions and well thought out setting. I can't really relate myself to your characters yet but I believe I will soon. That's all I have ...

I started reading the prologue slowly until I came to the word "elves." Then I just scanned it and I thought to myself...this sounds cliche. Ask yourself, out of all ...

It was good. Not my type of read but still good. I liked how you build up the fact that a missing character could had been a demon. However, your ...