Deleted. Check my blog as per reasons why, in the entry entitled "Sigh."
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140,541 Literary Works • 673,412 Reviews
very good, really liked it. keep writing
I'm not going to comment on this until you read the rest! *beats you with a rubber chicken*
...Okay, I'm done spazzing.
It was good. Not my type of read but still good. I liked how you build up the fact that a missing character could had been a demon.
However, your characters seem a bit stale, like they appear to be any kind of characters you'll find in real life. They dont appear to be that...unique to me. Probably because I haven't read the other parts but oh well.
Keep writing ^^
I dunno about that one, mate, in a lot of books I've read X character clenches his/her eyes. =/
I figured that was a cruddy line. *fixes*
Eep. Typo. I meant note. Not sure how I got an n out of that but whatever. *fixes*
He clenched them tighter, and lifted his right arm to cover his eyes.
Clenched what. His hand or his eyes? If eyes, you don't clench them, you shut them tighter.
And they saw no one.
Might I suggest he as I got confused because I thought there were more people in the room even though you said there weren't.
“Alison, his name is Tyson Whetlander,” Stephen said, before she could speak. “Remember that none I told you about?
I thnk you mean one.
Overall, I think you have a good story though there some slip-ups. They're pretty minor though so keep up the good work!