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Young Writers Society



The Tempest at Leurs (Part I)

by Lancrist


This is a short story in progress. I'll add the rest to this post as it goes.

***

                                         The Tempest at Leurs

                                                                    Part I

"Who's that, mama?" asked a small boy looking out at the road.

She drew the shutters closed.

"Don't you worry about people like him."

Sasburas knelt in solitude in his garden. Nothing had changed: silence persisted, no movement had caught his eye, and yet...

     The icy sensation of being watched stiffened his spine. He paused at his work, and the impression formed in his mind of a blade hovering at his back, poised--

     Sasburas whirled. The stretch of lawn between him and his home remained unoccupied. You fool, he thought to himself with a sigh, and turned back to his plants.

     Towering blackness now loomed before him. A half-choked cry escaped Sasburas' lips, and he fell sprawling back against the lawn. Before him rose a silhouette, flanked by the dying rays of the sun. Emerald points of light stared down at him beneath a broad hat.

     Sasburas stared paralyzed up at this shadowy menace.

     It was the hat, like an anchor into reality, which suddenly struck him with understanding. It came with some reprieve. Just a traveler, he tried to convince himself.

     “Who are you?” Sasburas asked. But did he really want to know?

     “A tradesman," said the figure. The voice was masculine, soft yet firm. The ambiguity of the answer caused Sasburas' imagination to reel with the possibilities. He looked at the halberd mounted on the stranger's back doubtfully.

     Finally, he ventured:

     “What is your trade?”

     “Death."

The spade tumbled from Sasburas' limp fingers. Blood pounded in his ears like savage drums, heralding his fate.

     The figure reached into his cloak.

     Desperately, Sasburas seized his wrist. A stare passed between them that seemed to endure for centuries. Then, as if held by a child, the man in black withdrew his hand effortlessly.

     He grasped nothing more than a sheet of paper. A glint of amusement twinkled in his eyes, then was gone. Sasburas sagged with relief and released his grip.

      “You issued a summons regarding the murdered villagers,” said the stranger, indicating the document he held. “I answered it.”

     Sluggish memories forced their way back into Sasburas' addled brain as the tide of fear ebbed. Yes, he had issued a request for help. But never in his wildest dreams had he expected someone so... uncanny.

     “You are a hunter?” he asked. His voice, normally deep and coarse, quavered slightly. The memory of the moment before, when he had been convinced his end had come, was burned into his mind, staring back at him like a glaring eye. Now, he realized that he stood in the company of a man, but not before. Something else, deeper and darker, had been exposed.

     Gloom had begun creeping in from the east. Sasburas noticed the sun had set during their exchange. His home became an inviting prospect.

     “There is an inn--”

     The man nodded slowly. “I know. I merely came here to”--he paused--“introduce myself. I will return here in the morning, when we can discuss our business.” With those words he turned around in a flurry of black and strode away. Sasburas stared after him for a moment, then shook his head and retired. The mind plays funny tricks when you're tired, he told himself.

     Had it?

Night passed largely without event. The cracked moon hung in the sky, flanked by its army of stars, where distant worlds turned. The villagers of Leurs slept peacefully, stirring occasionally at the howl of a distant dire wolf.

The golden rays of dawn spilled light across the grasslands of the Eastern Provinces. The ocean of blades, soaked in dew, sparkled as if filled with jewels. Leurs, a farming hamlet like hundreds of others in the Provinces, was already bubbling with life.

     Overall, the houses of Leurs covered a square mile, with the greenbelt of paddocks and fields radiating outward. They were constructed mostly by oak hauled down from the Gigatta forest, or in rarer cases (such as Sasburas', the mayor) from quarried stone. Mostly they were humble and compact, providing only what space was necessary, enclosed by roofs of thatch or wooden shingles. Only two real roads existed, intersecting near the town’s middle: one slithering north to south and the other east to west. Beside the east-west highway stood what was simply called “the workshop”: an amalgam of blacksmith, fletcher, and carpenter. Neighbouring this was a tiny chapel with flaking white paint, crowned by a wooden statue of the demigod Tifurien. Further along was the town common; a wide square of well-kept lawn framed by a flower garden, in which grew a myriad of blooms ranging from roses to theracorums, with their gold-specked indigo petals. Adjoining the common was the town hall, a small single-room arrangement that did not warrant much attention.

     Beside the north-south road was situated the Goldwine Inn, which was in actuality no more than a two-story house. An iron sign--depicting a flagon of wine with the gold-paint long peeled--creaked above the heavy door, and vines encroached along the vertical boards. Within was a humble bar and dancefloor, and upstairs five small rooms.

     It was toward this inn that Sasburas presently embarked as the blinding curve of the sun defeated the horizon, yet barely had he left his home when he noticed the stranger from dusk seated at the intersection. Beside him, a huge Ismian warhorse was tethered to a tree. No breeze yet stirred, and it seemed then to Sasburas that the black-cloaked form could have been a statue. The sensation dissolved, however, when the man in black turned his pale face toward him.

     “I had been expecting you earlier,” the man in black remarked, though his voice held no hint of reproach. Sasburas, surprised by his early arrival and taken off-guard by the comment, found himself at a lack for words.

     Perceiving this, the cloaked man continued.

     “I have been told that a man-shaped beast with a black hide has taken control of a nearby bridge on the Eskas River. It is, I understand, the only crossing for leagues.” A pause followed. Sasburas became aware that the man awaited a response.

     “Yes,” he said.

     “Also, this creature slays those who do not relinquish an item of strong sentimental value when attempting to cross. Four known deaths have thus occurred due to ignorance of this fact. This information, also, is correct?”

     “That is no discrepancy from the truth.”

     “Undoubtedly, then, the thing which you have hired me to kill is a phadipaph.”

Sasburas' heart missed a beat. He mouthed the word, but did not repeat it.

     The man in black--the demon hunter--apparently experienced no such horror.

     “I reserved any discussion of payment amongst our messengers, for lack of surety on the nature of the demon. Now, however, would prove an appropriate time.”

     Payment? Sasburas shook his head, as if to dislodge the nightmare images clinging to his mind. Again his mouth opened, hesitated, then closed again without speaking a word.

     A dilemma had struck him. Among his vices he could not count greed, yet nevertheless he did not desire the village’s funds, delivered but once a year from the Axis-Capital, to be obliterated by a single misfortune. The question was, was the hunter aware of these reimbursements? Or would he simply assume it was another poor village where the spoils were few?

     He turned his gaze on those unknowable jade eyes. Gooseflesh broke out all across his body. There was an uncanny wisdom there, he knew. Did he want to test his luck against it?

     As if he perceived Sasburas’ train of thought, the beginnings of a smile played at the hunter’s lips, then disappeared.

     “Do not fear that my demands will be excessive.

     “However—I will not work for crumbs. If you refuse adequate compensation, I will leave you to your misery.” Sasburas considered these words. What, he wondered, was the head of a phadipaph worth? He made a stab in the dark.

     “A thousand gold crowns,” he offered.

     Without hesitation: “Five thousand.”

     Sasburas gagged. “Five? You promised me justice!”

     “The phadipaph is no trifling pest.” Cold resolve shone in the hunter’s eyes, an expression without toleration for protest. The look said: take it or leave it.

     Five thousand crowns. The entire deposit barely surpassed that number. Sasburas repressed a groan. If another catastrophe occurred in the next eight months, Leurs would be doomed. Yet they could not, would not endure the loss of anyone else, nor could they survive without passage across the bridge. Either way, the fate of Leurs rested on the roll of a die.

     “We can only pray for a six,” he murmured. If this confused the hunter, he made no sign of it. “Five thousand. Just get rid of it.”

     Darkness welled up in front of Sasburas as the hunter stood. In a gesture that struck him as peculiar, the man offered his hand. They shook; the deal was made. Sasburas noticed his palm was strangely cool.

      “Your crowns are well spent,” he said. It was of little consolation.

“Have you tried building another bridge?” Saigot asked.

     “To get enough wood from the Gigatta and bring it here would take at least a week. And even then, with the river at its strongest, we wouldn’t have a chance of putting anything stable over it,” Sasburas said with a shake of his head.

     “Well, then,” Saigot said, and turned towards his steed. He said nothing more about the matter.

     The hunter untied the rope securing his warhorse. It was a colossal thing; all muscle and rancor, its back rising higher than Sasburas’ head, who was himself of an impressive height—one that almost rivaled the hunter’s. Despite this, the hunter vaulted into its saddle in a single fluid motion.

One more thing,” Saigot said. A grimace worked its way onto Sasburas’ angular face. He had almost found contentment with the situation. “In order for me to do my job, send several villages across the bridge each day for the next two. I’ll return on the third.”

     Too far, Sasburas thought. Whatever sorcery had been repressing him before was now crumbling. Who did this demon hunter think he was?

     “No.”

     Defiance raged on Sasburas’ face; his thick gray brows pressed inwards in a scowl above an aquiline nose.

     Something flickered on Saigot’s face. Sasburas' rebellion died instantly. The thing he had perceived during their first encounter was returning, an uncontrollable terror began to rise in—

     It was gone. Sasburas stared up at the calm features of a young man. Yet the impression clung to him like a vampire to its victim.

     “Send them,” Saigot whispered. His voice boomed with silent command.

He grasped the reigns, almost spurring the horse away when Sasburas’ voice--rumbling baritone—burst out.

     “There’s one thing I’d like to know,” Sasburas blurted, still combatting the animal fear infesting him. Turning in the saddle, the hunter fixed him with a debilitatingly impatient gaze. It struck Sasburas' courage like a hammer, yet he drew on some desperate reserve and persevered.

     “What’s your name?”

     A peculiar gleam washed over the hunter’s eyes, and there was a minute shift in his face. It was barely perceptible, yet it bestowed a vague impression of hesitation. It was in those few seconds that Sasburas received his most vivid account of the hunter’s face; smooth and pale, with thin, callous lips, dominated as ever by the eyes, as daunting as windows into another world. Then the hunter turned away. Sasburas thought he had disregarded the question, but as he started off into a quick trot, a single word floated back on the wind:

     “Saigot.”


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Sat Mar 31, 2007 1:46 am
Prokaryote wrote a review...



I thought this was good, overall. But I feel it had one distracting problem. Keep in mind, fantasy is not my thing.

Overall, the houses of Leurs covered a square mile, with the greenbelt of paddocks and fields radiating outward. They were constructed mostly by oak hauled down from the Gigatta forest, or in rarer cases (such as Sasburas', the mayor) from quarried stone. Mostly they were humble and compact, providing only what space was necessary, enclosed by roofs of thatch or wooden shingles. Only two real roads existed, intersecting near the town’s middle: one slithering north to south and the other east to west. Beside the east-west highway stood what was simply called “the workshop”: an amalgam of blacksmith, fletcher, and carpenter. Neighbouring this was a tiny chapel with flaking white paint, crowned by a wooden statue of the demigod Tifurien. Further along was the town common; a wide square of well-kept lawn framed by a flower garden, in which grew a myriad of blooms ranging from roses to theracorums, with their gold-specked indigo petals. Adjoining the


Woah, woah, woah. What makes you even think I would want to know all that? :p Kidding, kidding. Seriously though, overload of information. Some people like the heavy description; I'm not one of them. Perhaps, if you will be having characters travel through this town in the future, you could sprinkle the description of the village around in those passages. And, if characters won't be spending a great deal of time here, then what's the point of this chunk of description? It almost seems a bit like an infodump.

So I guess that sums up my main problem with this: liberal description. Sometimes I don't want to know what the character's face looks like when he says a certain phrase... Make the words invoke a certain expression in the reader's mind.

I did like the "'what is your trade?' 'Death.'" line. That set the mood. I also feel that you are building a solid foundation for a captivating plot in the future chapters.

I thought this was quite good, but my combined distaste for fantasy and your writing style stops me from liking it. If someone asked me if this was good and if they should read it, I'd say yes, they should. But it's simply not for me. :)

Hope you found this helpful!

Prokaryote




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Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:26 am
Lancrist says...



Thanks for your comments, Rieda.

The story is actually at about, or just past, its midpoint. Half the reason that I introduced Perecos was for the sake of putting action in--there was a lot of dialogue beforehand.

I'm not really committed enough at this point to attempt a novel, so I'm just doing short stories like this. But I might do more stories concerning Saigot in the future.




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Tue Mar 13, 2007 5:50 am
Riedawriter23 wrote a review...



This is really interesting. I don't think I've read anything with this plot and, as many stories prove to be cliche, you did a great job on reality. Also, you were right on concerning visuals. I could picture what was happening to your characters which is a strong key.

I thought that with your paragraph structure I'd have trouble reading through this, but it wasn't bad. It was actually like reading a published book, it's in the same format.

I loved your action, but I'm wondering and also a bit worried, that you may have too much action in the beggining and not enough plot to create a whole novel. I mean so much is happening now, will you have created other just as important and interesting conflicts for later? I hope so, this idea would be a terrible thing to waste. Can't wait to read more :).

Keep at it!
~Rieda




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Sun Mar 11, 2007 12:14 am
Lancrist says...



Part IV added.

May be a bit sloppy, but since I haven't updated the story for a few days I was eager to add more.


Thanks again for the review, Scribe. Hope you like the newest bit. ;P


omg t3h cliffh4ng3r




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Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:30 pm
TheEccentricScribe wrote a review...



Firstly, I want to say that character psychology is very important to me, the only thing I consider more important than description of action and scenery. Plot is important, of course, it is the backbone of the story, but when I eat steak, it's not for the bones. And I think your characters have very interesting personalities so far; you don't delve too deeply too quickly, which is good for an opening story. Anyway, here we go.

When the scary man meets Sas, he holds a piece of paper, but you never explicitly say that he gives it to Sans. The point of the paper is obscure. Also, you say “question,” I think you mean “answer” here, since the ambiguity of “tradesman” is what makes Sans nervous.

Often, you seem to insert breaks where they don’t seem very necessary. I won’t point out specific ones, but look over the breaks to make sure they’re always necessary (some definitely are, but they just seem too frequent and minor).

“The villagers of Leurs slept peacefully, stirring but occasionally at the howl of a distant dire wolf.”

If anyone knows anything about me, they know that I love flowery, well constructed language. Sometimes, though, it can lead to awkwardness. “Stirring but occasionally” is not grammatically wrong, and yet it strikes me as a little superfluous. I would suggest striking out “but” altogether.

“That is no discrepancy from the truth.” Whoa, boy. Let me tell you something. I love your writing style. I’m biased, because it’s a lot like mine; very descriptive, very in-depth. But this is just too saturated. Nobody talks like that. Another “yes,” or, “That’s right,” would be fine. Actually, if you wanted to keep the basic form, if you switched “truth” to “reports,” it would be good, unless Sans is himself entirely convinced of these occurances. “That is the situation,” he agreed again. Something like that. “That is no discrepancy from the truth,” sounds like something an incredibly intelligent eight year old with a huge vocabulary would say, because he has a huge vocabulary but doesn’t talk with the normal conversational power of an adult. Especially as the mayor, in matters of business, he would probably be a little more pragmatic in his speech, except for when he’s trying to win over voters. Perhaps he is a little more poetic and thoughtful of a man; that’s fine, but still, this sentence is just too verbose.

“Undoubtedly, then, the thing which you have hired me to kill is a phadipaph.”

Not as bad as the sentence prior. Still, I think it could be cleaned up, tightened a bit. Sometimes, fancy talk makes things feel more important and more impressive. Here it sounds like you’re trying a little too hard to be dramatic. “Undoubtedly, then, you have hired me to kill a phadipaph.” That succinct, absolute confidence will be enough to tell the reader that some serious stuff is going down.

He grasped the reigns, almost spurring the horse away when Sasburas’ voice--rumbling baritone—burst out.

“a rumbling baritone”?

As the mayor of Leurs--therefore an unofficial lawkeeper--it was his jurisdiction to ensure that unsavoury and potentially dangerous characters were not permitted.

Why unofficial?

Red sickness? March of the Red Death? Come on buddy, that’s slightly lame, with all the creative names you have, lol. Try for something a little more . . . unique. The Federation, also, is a little . . . disappointing, anyway, not as badly, though. But Terry Brooks used a Federation extensively in The Shannara series, and I think there was some Federation in Star Wars or something. Or Star Trek. I forget. Maybe give them a title, like the Niceguy Federation or something. Obviously, that’s a joke, but you get my point.

Finally, he spotted the house beyond a copse of apple trees growing in one of Hannis Vise’s fields. It was slightly larger than most of the other single-story cabins in Leurs, but in the years of Joln’s absence it had grown dilapidated and forlorn. The grass here was knee-high like in the surrounding plains, and weeds were growing from between the cabin’s sideboards nearest the ground. One of the windows had been poorly boarded up and others were completely caked in dust and dirt, reminding Sasburas strangely of a blind man.

I pick this paragraph because it is representative of your descriptive power. I love your style, seriously. Others have recommended you cut it down; well, that’s a difference in aesthetics. You do have to write to readers’ sensibilities somewhat, but not to where you lose your style. Remember; it’s a writers forum, so people will criticize your style as neophytic a lot easier. Perhaps curb it when it really gets disgusting, but long descriptive narratives have their place in literature, and a lot of people (myself included) love them. I wouldn’t recommend changing this; it’s part and parcel of your style, and I think it’s fantastically done.

“Under these circumstances, howevever, Mirabel shook her head, "your hunter is doomed to perish."

Missed a quotation mark.

His spirits utterly chastised,

Eh, I don’t like the word chastised here. Deflated, or broken, or something else. Chastised just seems a little off the sense of the scene.

Time-restarted.

Do better than that.

Wow, that was fantastic. You have an amazing talent, I must say. The story is, to me, quite engaging, very descriptive, and well written. I did not expect the twist at the end whatsoever. I felt engaged from start to finish, and was left wanting more. Your demonology, while creative, leaves enough unsaid that it doesn’t become tedious and makes room for unanswered questions. Remember: stick to your aesthetics. In individual instances, you may want to curb your description if it gets over the top or exhausting, but just understand that different writers have different standards, and that it’s fine to keep your own. I didn’t see the pre-edited version, but this one looks great to me. Personally, as I mentioned above, it fantastically mirrors what I look for in descriptive quality. Well done.




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Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:10 am
Squall wrote a review...



Hrmm interesting. It seems there are some actions behind the scenes. I loved the fact that you made a new fantasy creature. Hope you will be successful in it.

The problem with the story is that it is too repetitive in description and quite frankly, it got a bit boring at some bits.

Try getting rid of some of the descriptions. Also, your characters seem to have nothing but raw strength and emotions of fury which I dislike. I have a liking for characters who has a heart, not logic.




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Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:53 am
Lancrist says...



Part III added. Is anyone even reading this? :roll:


Oh yeah and you have to be eighteen or older to read it now because there's one swear word. :shock:




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Mon Mar 05, 2007 5:38 am
Lancrist says...



Updated. There was a little bit added to the end of Part I as well.




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Thu Mar 01, 2007 7:44 am
Squall says...



Yeah I just re read it and it's clear to me now lol. Now I worry about my story and maybe I rushed it too much lol.




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Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:54 am
Lancrist says...



The story's planned out, Squallz, don't worry about it. ;P

Thank you both for taking a look. I hope you enjoy what's to come!




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Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:25 am
shadowstorm says...



I like the ideas behind the story. They hint at interesting events to come. Immediately I am interested in the story.




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Thu Mar 01, 2007 6:23 am
Squall says...



The story is good in this. However, I believe that you will struggle for ideas in the middle of the story since you have revealed a little bit more than you should had in your story.




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Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:43 pm
Lancrist says...



Thanks for the input, it was good advice and I've done a lot of editing. (Could you tell by the number of edits on my post? :P)

More will come soon.

The hunter's name is pronounced "sigh-got."




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Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:44 pm



Really all i can do is echo the others.

I did enjoy the story and its line. and i found the mysterious hunter intriguin which i hope you intended.




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Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:35 am
Snoink wrote a review...



Lancrist wrote:The red light of sunset drowned the Eastern Provinces, and in the town of Leurs, a ruddy-skinned man of middling age lifted his gaze to the crimson face of a stranger.


Mmmm... getting fancy, are we?

First of all, you're involving color waaaay too much in this. Let me list all the words that have to do with color: red, sunset, ruddy, and crimson. Yes, I included sunset because that is a strong word that evokes a visual image. So all of these words include a strong color. The problem? The color is the same. So yes, I know sunsets can be a multitude of colors, but the main one we notice is red, and by saying that the sunset drowns it in red light, you're emphasizing the color even further. By doing this, you're making everything seem red red red. Big mistake. Vary your descriptions a little to be less repetitious.

And middling age? :?

“Who are you?” inquired the man. He himself was the mayor of Leurs; his question was therefore better classified, from its tone, as a demand.


Um... no. If you're going to use this format of making the first letter of each section bold, then do it right. After one sentence, you don't bold the letter. Why? Because it takes away from the story and distracts the reader. In fact, you should try your best to NOT distract the reader from your story. That way, your reader will want to read it. It's nice how that works out.

Next of all, your style is rambling. I'm not quite sure what to think of it, but it reminds me strongly of gobbledygook with the "therefore better classified from its tone, as a demand." Not good. And I don't think you have to put commas in the second sentence.

     “A tradesman,” the crimson-masked man, mounted upon a towering Ismian stallion, replied enigmatically.


Remember how I said distracting the reader is a bad thing? Yeah...

First of all, the man is wearing a crimson mask? Remember how I said you were saturating the scene with red? This is not good. Plus, who really wears a crimson mask? This leads on the reader, not because they're interested in who your character is, but rather, why would he be wearing a dorky crimson mask? Just thought you ought to know.

Next of all, the word "enigmatically" is ill-used. You're telling us that this guy is a mysterious stranger, not showing us. And, to be honest, I'm told stuff all the time. Why should I want to be told this? Give us rich description and let us figure it out ourselves that this man is indeed mysterious.

The mayor seemed to mull over this for a moment, during which time his sense of authority diminished beneath the cold, emerald stare of the rider.


His sense of authority diminished? Come on. Use a better, more descriptive verb or metaphor which shows us exactly how he's feeling. Show us!

Finally, he asked:
     “And what is your trade?”

     “Death.”


This is the best part. Unfortunately, the next sentences don't seem to take advantage of the drama this dialogue has created since it takes this dialogue almost for granted, and this dialogue doesn't matter in the long run. But oh well. At least it's good for a moment.

Hope that helps!
  




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Mon Feb 26, 2007 6:48 am
Loose wrote a review...



Inevitably, night gave way to the golden rays of the rising sun, although by then Leurs, a farming hamlet similar to most of the settlements ranging across the vast expanse of the Eastern Provinces, had already began bubbling with life.
     Overall, the houses of Leurs covered a square mile, with the paddocks and vegetable fields radiating outwards. They were simply made though sturdy, with thick oak wood walls (the massive stretch of forest known as the Gigatta was reasonably close), or, in several cases such as the mayor’s, from stone. Mostly they were small, providing only what space was necessary, enclosed by roofs of thatch or wooden shingles. There were but two true roads, intersecting near the town’s middle: one slithering north to south and the other east to west. Along the east-west road lay what was simply called “the workshop”: an amalgam of blacksmith, fletcher, and carpenter. Neighboring this was a small white chapel, atop which sat a wooden statue of the Celesphar Tifurien, and further along the town common; a wide square of well-kept lawn surrounded by a flower garden, to which the town hall was adjoined.
     Beside the north-south road was situated the Goldwine Inn, which was in actuality no more than a two-story house. The ground floor was devoted to a humble tavern, whereas the upper held five small rooms.
     It was to toward this inn that the mayor presently embarked as the blinding curve of the sun defeated the horizon, yet barely had he left his home when he noticed the hunter sitting at the intersection, his warhorse tethered to a lonely whitebark tree. No breeze yet stirred, and it seemed then to the mayor that the black-cloaked form could have been a statue. The sensation dissolved, however, when the hunter turned his masked face toward him.
      “I had been expecting you earlier,” the hunter remarked impassively. The mayor, taken by surprise, floundered for some retort, but again was beaten to the mark. “I have learned from the innkeeper what has been occurring. A beast, he informed me, taller and quicker than a man and covered in obsidian skin, has infested the nearby bridge crossing the Eskas river, the only overpass of its kind for leagues around.” There was a pause. Evidently, the hunter awaited some reply.
     “Those are the facts,” the mayor said.
     “Also, this creature demands from those who would deign to cross a single item of strong sentimental value, and threatens that those who do not will be slain. Four known deaths have thus occurred due to ignorance of this fact. This information, also, is correct?”
     “That is no discrepancy from the truth.”
     “Undoubtedly, then, the thing which you have hired me to kill is a phadipaph.” The hunter’s voice made no indication of any unease at the fact, and his mask allowed his face no betrayal, although the mayor suspected there was nothing there to betray him. Both the revelation that the demon was a phadipaph and that this hunter did not fear it brought to bloom a peculiar mixture of awe, dread and suspicion in his heart.
     He recalled the tales his father had woven when he had been a boy, no doubt as he would with his own son: horror stories of the phadipaph, that demon spawned of some black science, inborn with an obsession for the value humans place on personal objects… and with physical powers beyond the scope of any mere human.
     “I reserved any discussion of payment amongst our messengers, for lack of surety on the nature of the demon. Now, however, would prove an appropriate time.”
     The mayor hesitated—he found himself conflicted. He was by no means a greedy man, but he did not wish the town’s funds, delivered annually from the Axis-Capital far in the west, to be spent solely on the unfortunate circumstances that a phadipaph took nearby residence. Would this hunter, seemingly so alien to common humanity as he was, know of such funds? Or could he fool him of Leurs’ poverty, small and isolated as it was?
     How he wished Leurs was indeed not so isolated; its distance from any of the Federation’s roaming armies was what made it necessary for him to hire a hunter at all.
     Finally, he vouched for the former option, sensing some uncanny wisdom in the cloaked wanderer. The decision made cause for a drawn-out sigh, from which the hunter garnered some insight.
     “I will not demand of you an excessive compensation, but nor will I work for crumbs. I will have no qualms in simply leaving you subject to your misfortune, if I must.”
     “A thousand gold crowns,” the mayor said.
     Without hesitation: “Five thousand.”
     “Five? Tyranny! Three at the most!” the mayor shouted almost theatrically, casting his hands wide in a wild, dramatic gesture of disbelief. Several passersby shot him curious glances.
     “Five thousand.” This time, the hunter’s words, though calm, were rock solid. They pierced the mayor’s brain, and some insidious aspect of them denied further argument. Fueled by anger, he blundered for some appeal, while the hunter watched him solemnly. In the end, he conceded to the hunter’s demand. He slumped visibly under the burden of defeat, and felt the energy drain from his limbs. Within his mind’s eye there played numerous scenes of despair concerning Leurs’ lack of funds; raiders with no gold to satisfy them, a crop failure that could not be compensated for, and more.
     “Your crowns are well-spent,” the hunter said. It was of little consolation for the mayor.


Thats what snoink was talking about. long paragraph eek syndrome (lol). cut it up a bit.





cron
Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca