((Before anyone asks, yes. I my username is the same as one of my characters. Why? Because I can. Enjoy
))
Prologue: The Lavana Fragment
After Fragmentation: 0573, Mosika, capital of Kyzmora.
King Gencardia Hezara and his attendants, who were walking down one of the paths of the inner courtyard, came to a stop in response to a man in white and red royal clothing. Gencardia had a rough build, and wore blue and white royal armor that seemed to only intensify his presence. His thick black hair, whose sideburns stretched down to his chin to form a beard, was slicked back with sweet-scented oils. This new man who stood before him had a rather pointed, yet solid, facial structure, a small pointed beard, long dark brown hair that was pulled back into a pony tail. His narrow, gentle eyes made even his servants feel at ease. He was slightly shorter than Gencardia, had smaller build than him, and was at least a decade older. Around his neck was a band of silver that had numerous rubies embedded in it.
The two attendants bowed their heads and said in unison, “Good morning, your highness, King Kamor Kyzmora.”
Kamor chuckled and waved a hand for them to leave. He and Gencardia looked at each other seriously from at least twenty paces away. They walked towards each other, and smiled once they were face-to-face.
“Has it really been five years, Kamor?” Gen asked, reminiscing on the past while he ruffled his beard with one of his gloved hands.
“It seems so, Gen” Kamor said with a wide smile.
They walked through Kamor’s courtyard talking about the latest happenings in their countries. So many things had happened in the past five years, and they had some catching up to do. The great thing about the last five years was that there wasn’t so much as a scuffle over territories among the four countries on the fragment. It was, of course, due to the fact that each of the rulers got together to get to know each other as often as possible. The two with the tightest bonds of friendship were Gen and Kamor.
“So, how is your family, Gen?” Kamor asked as he touched a blue and yellow flower with his slightly-wrinkled hands.
“My wife and I are thinking of having a child,” Gen said with a smile.
“Then you’ll be expecting an heir to your throne soon?”
“We haven’t went through with it yet, but it will be soon.” He proclaimed almost embarrassingly. “I take it that Kaldel and Takia will be joining us soon?”
“Yes, you’re the first to arrive. The meal will be held once they come. We shall have a grand meal and some wine in my courtyard.” Kamor said something to a gardener, who smiled and took one of the flowers. She walked away with the flower in her hand and a smile on her face.
Gen smiled, “It seems that the benevolent King Kyzmora still has much benevolence in him.”
“What do you mean? I’m the same I have always been, am I not?”
“Your reputation precedes you. Everyone is talking about how great a king you are to your people.”
Kamor scratched the back of his head, “Is that so? I wouldn’t think so. I don’t often listen to the gossip among commoners, so I hardly know what they want or how I‘m fairing as their king. I‘m fine, as long as riots don‘t break out!” He laughed to himself.
“Then how would you prove me wrong, old friend?” Gen chuckled.
Kamor looked at Gen and said with a sigh, “You have me on that one.”
One of Kamor’s beautiful female attendants walked up to him, curtseyed respectfully, and said, “Your highness, two more of your guests have arrived.”
“Very good. Lead us to them, if you will,” Kamor said with near-equal respect. Gen smiled, and followed them to an archway that led into yet another courtyard, similar to the one they were just in.
Standing on the other side from which Kamor and Gen came, two noble-looking individuals stood waiting. One was a man who wore a black tunic with a shining silver and white rim, a pair of black pants, and a white sword and scabbard that hung from his white leather belt. On his belt buckle was a green emerald, and on his wrists were several plain, skin-tight golden bands that were positioned apart from each other along his arm. His face had a sort of scowl that seemed persistent no matter what, and his fiery red hair didn’t help in easing the matter. His face seemed to brighten at the sight of Kamor and Gen.
The beautiful woman who stood next to him, who was probably just reaching her thirties, wore a long elegant violet dress with white lace at the hem. She wore a very proper face that had almost no emotion, aside from boredom. Her long blond hair was long, but it wasn’t apparent due to it being pulled back into a tight bun. Hung around her neck was a silver necklace with a round opal jewel on it. She, too lit up when she saw Kamor and Gen.
Kamor smiled at the sight of Kaldel and Takia, and said, “Welcome, friends.”
Kaldel, the man in the black tunic, walked up to him and said, “It seems that you’ve aged a little, Kamor.” He shook his friend’s hand, and patted him on the back. Hard.
After coughing a couple times, Kamor responded playfully, “Must you do that every time we meet? My build isn‘t what it used to be.”
“Duly noted, old man!” Kaldel said casually.
“He means it, Kaldel! He’ll collapse if you do it again!” Takia said nervously, and then turned to Kamor and Gen, “Has it really been five years?”
“That’s almost exactly what I said,” Gen said jokingly.
“Who cares, we’re all here, aren’t we?” Kaldel said uncaringly as he playfully put his arm around Gen’s shoulders.
“You’ve changed, too, Kaldel,” Gen said flatly, “You aren’t as… high-strung as before…” He closed his eyes, and stroked his beard in thought.
“Well, one might say that. I’ve just decided to enjoy this peace while it lasts, rather than sitting around while my people mock me for acting as I did. I‘ll never neglect my country‘s demons again.”
“What do you mean ‘while it lasts?’” Takia asked sternly, “What other power besides the four of us can break this peace? And I highly doubt that any of us will go on any sort of rampage!”
“Hey, you never know when there’ll be some kind of uprising that could tear us off of our thrones,” Kaldel said, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, think of what happened when the Fragmentation occurred. One small army against the entire world, and the world lost! The entire world broke apart because of it! Lucky for us, our fragment is the size of a decent continent, and our ocean managed to hang on.”
“Let’s not think about things such as that,” Kamor interrupted, “The table has been set for some time, and the food may get cold if we don’t start eating soon.” He motioned his hand towards several attendants, who were holding one tray of food each. The remaining three rulers beamed at the food happily. The attendants set the food down on the table, and made a show of it as they did so.
“Well, I can’t exactly refuse a friend’s offer, can I?” Kaldel said as he laced his hands behind his head and walked over to the table.
“You ate in your carriage on the way, didn’t you, Kaldel? You‘ll grow fat if you continue to eat like this!” Takia said jokingly.
“Hey, I‘m a king, and kings are supposed to eat well, right?” Kaldel replied flatly as he sat down. The four friends laughed, and all sat down at the table.
“Anyway, Gencardia,” Takia said as she cut off a slab of meat from the roast bird, “How is your… trouble… with the demons fairing?”
Gen scowled at her, “I hardly see the demons that live in my country as a problem, Takia.”
“What else could you think of them as? They are mountains of trouble for me back in Kemri! Even if they do stay in their city, their demands for extra resources is staggering!”
“They cannot move from their city unless they wish to be attacked by your human commoners. What choice do they have besides send you requests for supplies? Anyone who lives in my kingdom is welcome, including the demon race. In fact, I have let them build a city and I have put laws against aggression towards demons.”
Takia sighed. “I still think that you’re insane for attempting a country-wide change of such magnitude by making those laws three years ago, but it is your kingdom, not mine.”
“Well said,” Kaldel said with a smile, “I, myself, have no problem with demons. I just don’t invite them into the human cities in my country because it’s our kind that I’m worried about. They can be rather… willful at times.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Gen followed up, “which is why, as rulers, we need to be a little willful, ourselves. You were right to give them their own city in Budo.”
Kamor entered the conversation. “Not that I have any personal grudge against demons, but I don’t believe that they should be allowed into my country.”
“Oh, now that I recall,” Kaldel realized, “You don’t have a demon city here in Kyzmora, do you?”
“Explain, Kamor” Gen urged. “Tell me your reason for not allowing demons here.”
“Of course. In a country with a human ruler, demons wouldn’t feel welcome, anyway. On the other hand, in a country with a demon ruler, humans wouldn’t feel welcome, and may even attack it. It’s simply impossible for demons and humans to live together in the same country, no matter who the ruler is.”
“What if the ruler was a half-breed?” Kaldel suggested.
Kamor stared at Kaldel as if what he said was a grave insult.
“You know, a half-and-half; a being that’s part human and part demon. I’ve heard that they are growing ever more common these days thanks to Gen’s efforts.”
Kamor put his hand on his face in annoyance. “That’s exactly the kind of thing that I wish not to happen…”
“I find nothing wrong with it, Kamor,” Gen said, “In a few thousand years, long after humans and demons have accepted one another, perhaps all of mankind and demonkind will have merged together into a new kind of being. One that is both a human and a demon, not just a half-breed.”
“You are aware that half-breeds cannot use either race’s magic, aren‘t you?” Takia pointed out.
“That’s exactly the point, Takia.” The look on her face told him that she didn’t seem to understand, so he continued. “The Fragmentation, exactly five hundred and seventy-three years ago to this day, only occurred due to the merging of the magic and science of the day. That mix created a catastrophe that cannot ever be averted. The least that we and our people could do is to make sure that it never happens again. If we lose the fragments, as well, in a similar event… nothing will even exist. Those of us who are able to live on the fragments can only do so because, back when the Fragmentation occurred, they were lucky to have cast that powerful circle spell…”
The other three were silent until Kaldel finally said, “You know, Gen? You have a fantastic point. Well done. You’ve thought this through, haven’t you?”
“Yes, I’m impressed as well,” Takia declared.
“It’s very simple if you think about it, really.” Gen said confidently. “Besides, all of this may happen on it’s own without my help. Humans and demons have always done things on their own without the help of kings or queens, and I’m not one to change that.”
“Once again, well said, Gen,” Kaldel exclaimed before he took a sip of wine from his glass.
Kamor grumbled, “Perhaps you’re right about a few things, Gen.”
“I know that I’m right, Kamor.” Gen said with a confident smile.
“However, I believe that at least the royal bloodlines should be kept pure, even if the rest of the kingdom is mixed. Magic is our race’s offense and defense.”
“Still, magic was the cause of many wars. I just want a fragment--or even just a country-- that has no need for offense or defense.”
“I still don’t believe that we should simply give up such gifts.”
“Our ‘gifts’ have been used more for war than for helping each other.”
“That’s why we get rid of those who use it for war!”
“And what then? The families of those who we kill would seek revenge and start even more war.”
“Then we should--!!”
“Calm down, Kamor,” Takia laughed, “all of these things will happen far beyond our own lifetimes. There’s nothing that you should worry about right now, accept finding a good noble woman and having yourself an heir.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” Kaldel said as he set his now-empty wine glass on the table, “I heard that you’ve adopted a son, Kamor.”
“Is that true?!” Takia said in surprise as a smile spread across her face.
“You do seem the fatherly type, I’ve got to admit, but I’d have never expected you to suddenly adopt a son at your age,” Gen said earnestly, scratching his beard again with a grin.
Kamor smiled happily, “I was hoping that one of you would ask about him.”
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And there you have it. The prologe to my story. I apologize for it being so long, but if you've read through the entire thing, then I appload you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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@Darklight: I actually editted a whole lot of the infodumping out, and I thought that it was a little better, but I guess not. Thanks for the good critique. Nobody even bothered to look at this on fictionpress, and it's quite a relief that there are active reviewers here.
I'll post the first chapter sometime today.
I think you mean he hasn't 'gone' through with it yet.
He proclaimed embarassingly? To me that sounds as if it embarassed the other person rather than himself.
WARNING: Info dump, to put it bluntly, the audience does not care about how the 'fragmentation' occurred. They need action! This would be far better if it was kept a mystery since you could have your reader being interested in how it happened. If they start asking questions then you've hooked them and they will read more.
Also, note the repetition of 'world'. I often have trouble with repetition and if you proof read this you'll see what I mean.
I like your idea of demons and humans living together and I think the ethics of this and the half-breeds are really quite deep. I'm just a bit worried that this is your opening chapter.
Try something breathtaking or have some event that is exciting and scary because at the moment you won't hook the reader enough to make him read on. I love the complex sentences and I have a good impression of you're characters because they're really 'human'. Maybe save this for later in the story when the reader cannot put the book down!
Interesting, can't wait to see more!
DarkLight
I liked your story. Good descriptions and well thought out setting. I can't really relate myself to your characters yet but I believe I will soon.

That's all I have to say for now. Just have to wait for chapter 1.