Snoink

'tis pretty. Maybe it's better starting in an after thought...

Yes but... I'm going to learn Italian so I can read it in its proper form. :D

Er.. I was the one who voted tripe, but only because that word is so nifty. Um... goodish. I'll comment on it later, when my mom isn't hounding me to ...

It is a good poem, but it seems to lack a good ending to it. FOr instance, you develop it well, and then you just leave it hanging. Why? Conclude ...

One of the best chocolate-induced poems ever. *bows humbly* Thank you...

I'm afraid to. :S

I liked the poem. Very random, yes, but it wasn't senseless. Also, it used some pleasantly non-pretentious words. O_o *pats on back* Good job.

Ugh... I like the color black. Black, black black. It's much easier on the eyes. Anyways, the poem is interesting, but it feels too short, as if the idea hasn't ...

*high fives* I hate lengthy stuff too... lengthy words and pretentious rhyming that is oh so sophisticated. GAG ME. Anyway, it has somewhat ignited my creative fires. Good... I think.

...sounds painful.

Lol. By "you critique" I was just commenting how many writers (not specifically you) critique other people's work if they've seen them around. I just use second person too much. ...

I have been reading the comments (thank you very much!) but I've stayed rather quiet since if when I tend to speak up, it always seems to kill the thread. ...

Um...I'm a guy. This "story" is written from my perspective. Furthermore, it is not a "fiction" piece, as it follows actual events. That may be very well and good, but ...

LOL. A hint: for comedy, nobody can go wrong with the Bill Cosby approach. Basically, elaborate on the story until it sounds absolutely ridiculous. This is hard to achieve, but ...

*shrugs* If roles are going to be reversed and you want to turn the conventional upside down and on its head, you better lull the reader in. "His Dark Materials" ...