I wrote this poem for school and my teacher thought it was very powerful so I decided to see what you guys thought.
People falling all around me,
Soldiers telling me this is how it should be.
Suddenly I hear a faint cry,
One of an infant ready to die.
But that is when I know,
That it is time for me to go.
Yet I can not,
For the fence keeps me locked,
Inside forever.
This is good. You might want to try a version on the same idea but without the rhymes; it seems like maybe you could say more if you didn't feel compeled to make it rhyme. And a little longer maybe. Overall though it was powerful, and I liked it alot. Nice job.
Ugh...
I like the color black. Black, black black. It's much easier on the eyes.
Anyways, the poem is interesting, but it feels too short, as if the idea hasn't been expanded on enough.
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