Snoink

Very interesting. Also, intensely readable, since it's so short. I just have one nitpick... For the first entry, you started out in third person and moved on to first. It ...

*grumbles* Okay, okay, I don't giggle. I just wanted to use a word that wasn't "laughed." I changed it to "chuckled." Better now? And the last sentence, I changed, but ...

But... that curse always works. Besides, he's buried now. :P

Editor? Is this to be published?

Well... sometimes if you add more things to it, you lose any creativity from the reader.

Read the bible, or at least that passage, once again to get a better feeling of the words. After rereading it, the main thing that stood out to me was: ...

It blinds! It blinds! Oh, and don't forget to but a comma before your but. XD

Hmmm... why don't edit the post? When you do, look down and you'll see a little square that says "Disable BBCode." You're probably see a little check in it. Uncheck ...

....how are they going to throw off the government? It sounds like "Teenz that are Crazy!!" XD

I have webpages! I'm not good at it, mind you, but I have webpages! There in my sig.

Fun! However... one thing. It's embarrassing.

The third verse didn't make sense to me. Otherwise, it was an interesting poem and I enjoyed it.

This was written during the time of Bluebird, I was getting frustrated with all the comments about the original poem. The first comment? "This seems too forced." Okay, then, how ...

Good point. It's changed. ^_^

The rhyming is too forced to make a good impact. And after the despise line, the poem falls apart.