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Young Writers Society



Daughter of Kalmonder - Chapter 2

by Fool


*What is the name? Finola pressed.

Tell him, the wolf rides towards his town, he will know who. Now go child, he is not that far ahead of you!*

Continued...

But I can’t ride!

You what? The voice seemed to bark at her. You can’t ride a horse? What have you been doing all your life child? Well, it can’t be helped now. Change out of that dress into leggings and a shirt, tie your hair up in a baggy hat and go into the stables. Go, now! Time is all we have!

Finola jumped to her feet and raced down to her rooms. She searched through her entire room, but no leggings or shirts she could find.

Your brothers rooms, go! She went into her youngest brothers room. Her three brothers were all away from court at the moment. Earl, Tethra, and Rhodry, the three oldest heirs to the throne. In Rhodry’s room she found a pair of his old leggings that would fit her, if she wore a belt and a worn looking shirt. She pulled off her dress and got into the boys clothes, they felt strange. She looked through the room and found a baggy hat that her brother always used to wear when he went riding.

Boots. The voice in her head told her. She hunted for a pair of his half length boots with a pair of socks in them. They sort of fitted her. She hid the dress and went out into the stables. The stable master looked strangely at her and she lifted her chin and glared back.

Go to the black stallion at the other end of the stables and touch his nose. Finola marched along the neat stalls and reached out to the head of the black stallion at the other end. He snorted into her hand and Finola muttered something. She did not know what she said, only that the voice had told her to say it and she had. Tell the stable master that you are a courier and need a fast horse to Centre Lands Town

“Stable master, I need this horse, I must have a fast one to CLT.”

“One of them couriers eh? Well, that be Tambo, and a fast horse he be. Just let me tack him up and you can be on your way, be careful mind, he’s a spirited stallion.” Finola nodded and the horse was saddled for her and a bridle was put on.

Jump on, we have a long way to go

But I can’t ride! Finola moaned at him.

Ask him to boost you on, let him lift one of your legs and jump up, he will get you onto the saddle, then just grab hold of the reins and nudge him gently with your feet. Finola did as she was told and was soon sat on the back of the huge great black stallion that had a flash of white on his flank. She took hold of the reins in a light grip and nudged him forward. The horse started of walking with a long stride.

“Thank you sir.” Finola still had the manners to say, even though she felt like she was going to fall off.

Now ride out of the town Finola nudged the horse again and he started to walk a little faster. She still had no idea of how to steer him.

Use the reins, just pull on the one that faces the way you want to go, left hand to go left, right hand to go right. The dry voice informed her. She rode without incident through the town.

Now sit up tall and ride out of the city. Finola went out. Right, now kick him twice and hold onto his mane while leaning back. Just do it! Finola gritted her teeth, drove her heels twice into the horses side, Tambo burst into a canter, sending Finola flying of his back to land unhappily on the floor with a yelp. She looked quickly around, no one had seen her fall, thank the gods. She got to her feet and looked at Tambo, who had pulled up a short distance away, looking at her, she could just see the horsy smile on his face. The voice seemed to sigh.

Order him to come back to you.

"Come here" she said. Tambo just looked at her.

Are you calling a kitten? Order him to come to you!

"Come here!" Finola yelled, angry, how dare he talk to her like that? Just like her father, always ordering her about... Tambo was walking towards her.

Now put your foot in the metal ring and pull yourself up onto his back. Finola grabbed the horses reins, and with some effort, managed to haul herself back into her sitting position. Right, kick him again, this time, hold on! She kicked the horse and forward he went, Finola holding on. After a while she found it was not so bad, as long as she did not look down. Once she got to the cliff, the dry voice told her to pull the reins lightly towards her, and Tambo slid back to a walk, and using the reins carefully, she got down the cliff path safely. The river run was still being used, but the fastest way out was still down the cliffs.

Turn left, and go quickly! She kicked Tambo twice again and cantered down the road. The dry voice told her to turn left again once they reached a crossroads. Her elf eyes saw far away in front a small puff of dust.

That’s them. Now kick him again and lean forward, and hold on what ever you do. Finola kicked again and Tambo jumped into a gallop and sped down the road. Finola gave a scream and lead flat on the horses neck. She held on for grim life while the horse rode on, but the other riders seemed to be getting further away. She went on, until about at midday, her stomach started to rumble.

"I’m hungry!" She told the voice in her head. But there was no answer. She started to panic. Here she was, riding on a horse she did not know, and she knew she could not ride all day, she was already exhausted and she had no money or anything to protect herself with. She gave a sob, but just then she burst out from the trees and could see the other horses again. They were still riding hard, going south. She twitched Tambo’s head and the horse saw the others and went after them. Tambo did not slow as the day wore on, and Finola found herself nodding in the saddle of the galloping horse.

That should do for now, pull him back to a walk and head for that village over there. The voice was back, before going again. Finola muttered under her breath and rode down into the scattering of houses in a valley. She found the first inn easily enough and handed Tambo over to a young elf groom who took him into the stable.

Now, reach into your pocket and pull out some silver coins.

"But, I did not bring any with me."

Just do it. Finola reached into the pocket of her leggings and drew out five silver coins. I have to leave you for a while. Get a meal inside you, hot, and then use the coins to buy supplies for a week, just bread and cheese and a little dried meat, and a skin for some water, then get on your horse and get after Ali, keep going south on the road, you will not be able to miss him. I’ll be back when it gets dark. And he was gone again. Finola took a deep breath and went into the inn. As a princess, she had never been inside an inn like this. It stank strongly of beer and stale food. Finola resisted to hold her nose and went over to the bar keep and asked for a meal. Rather, she demanded one, and got one, slowly. She paid for it and went to sit on a table in a corner to eat it. It tasted terrible. The stew was watery and the main ingridient looked like turnips. She got some supplies and a water skin, and the barkeep took all her silver for it. He knew that she was not really good with her money, and would hand it all over if he asked the right price. Finola went back outside in the early afternoon to find Tambo waiting for her. The groom gave her a leg up and she rode out of the town, a little more sure of her seat now. The voice in her head seemed to be a good teacher as she pushed Tambo up into a canter and rode south on the roads. Just as darkness fell fully about her and she slowed Tambo to a walk, the voice came back

Why are you stopping? Get going, you can catch them now, or at least the guard of Night Riders, Ali’s gone on ahead, ride, I will not let you fall. And Tambo sprang forward. Finola clung onto the horses neck as the black horse ran through the dark. A bitter wind swept down about her as they ran. Finola shivered and held on tighter. A dim light shone through the trees ahead, just on the side of the road. Tambo slowed and Finola walked him towards the camp. Call out to them, let them see you and walk in with you hands held out. Just do it and explain to them all that you need to catch up to Ali.

Finola marched up to them and called out in a loud voice.

“Hail Night Riders.” She held out her hands and let Tambo walk into the camp. The Night Riders were sat around a fire, watching her. One of them, a tall elf with grey shot temples got up and bowed to her.

“Lady Finola. What are you doing out here?” and he took the reins of the horse and helped her down.

“I must speak with my father, on most urgent matters, I also had a message from someone, he told me I was to find a Night Rider named Tolmim, and tell him, that, he was a wolf riding towards his town, and he needs to speak with Ali.”

“You have fallen into the hands of Tolmim Night Rider himself dear Lady. Your father the king has gone on, taking the form of the wolf to give him speed on his journey. We must ride lads, this lass has news for the king that he must have!” the camp quickly broke up and they mounted there horses and rode of into the night, Tolmim riding alongside Finola as she clung onto Tambo. They rode all night, and Finola was dropping in her saddle with exhaustion. Every muscle in her body hurt, and her head kept dropping as the pace went on. “Almost there Lady Finola, just over the next rise.” Tolmim told her. The old elf was nearing the end of his years to be sure. Lines were starting to appear on his face, and the dark grey in his hair was hard to miss. As they crested the next rise as dawn hung on the air, the house of Oriel was spread out below them.

It was a simple but large house with it’s own land and workers and Oriel was a fair master. A black flag hung from the pole. They rode down and quickly went in. Grooms took their horses and Tolmim and one of the other Night Riders lead Finola into the small room behind the hall. Oriel was there. He was old too, for a half elf, some seven hundred years old, his hair was almost all grey now, and his face was weathered, and his ears dropped. He would die soon, Finola saw. Sat next to her great grandfather was her own father, travel worn with lines of worry in his face. Oriel was sat looking at his hands, his mouth slightly open, no thought in his eyes. Ali glanced up and saw Finola. His mouth dropped and he quickly got up and went to met her at the door.

“Father, mother is planning something terrible!" Finola said before bursting into tears and clung to the front of Ali’s shirt. The startled elf put his arms round his daughter and glanced at Tolmim, who nodded.

Finola held on for dear life. Her father was a solid figure, warm and he smelled good, of horses and sweat. What was she thinking? He was filthy! Why was that a good thing? But it did not matter, all that mattered that she was with him, she was safe now. Ali took her to a side room where she calmed down enough to explain the situation to him.

"I'll deal with it now Finola, here, you need to get some sleep." Ali took her to a bedroom and set a Night Rider to watch her. Then he went back to Oriel who was sat with Tolmim.

“We have to go to Kalmonder Oriel, we will be leaving in the morning.”

“But, I can’t leave her here!” Oriel muttered, his eyes going blank.

“We have to, just for a short while, and then you can come back. You know you like to travel, and we have a new passage to show you, and Cullun will be in Kalmonder when we get there. He wants to see you.”

“Then this shall be the last journey of Oriel then. I am old and weary. I am tired and my throat aches and my mind groans at the emptiness that I now face. The last ride of Oriel.” Ali glanced at Tolmim, and realised he would be losing another friend soon, for Tolmim, dear Tolmim, someone who had always been there, would soon be leaving for the other lands. Ali took Oriel to bed and walked along a corridor to his room with Tolmim.

“My Lord?” Tolmim asked. Ali turned to face the loyal Night Rider, who had ridden beside him many times, who had been a solid foundation of his younger years, and Cullun’s years as a Night Rider. “My lord, I feel this too, with be the last ride of Tolmim Night Rider, and I would very much like to see Cullun one more time. I will take you to the passage on the morrow, and it is then a scant few days to Kalmonder, I will then go onto Port Royal and await his arrival, take my farewell and go on alone.” Ali put one hand on Tolmim’s shoulder.

“My friend, take it. You deserve anything you ask for. You have been a long and loyal friend, and I wish you well in your journey.” Tolmim gripped Ali’s other shoulder and then they parted, going to different rooms for the night.

Comments welcome and needed

NOTE: Has been edited


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Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:48 am
Fool says...



IT WORKED!!!! *jumps up and hugs Snoink* Thats been bugging me for ages, thank you!!

We have Italics!




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Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:50 pm
Snoink says...



Hmmm... why don't edit the post? When you do, look down and you'll see a little square that says "Disable BBCode." You're probably see a little check in it. Uncheck it and then save the new message.

It might work...




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Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:39 am
Fool says...



*hurriedly feels forehead for trance of fever* no grammer mistakes? wow, thats rare, im gonna edit now and little green lines will pop up everywere.

Thanks for the critic Eloere, greatly appreciated.




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Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:51 am
Elelel wrote a review...



He he. Me again.


Firstly, I'd start a new line everytime that voice speaks. I think it should act like speach with the italics (if they ever work) instead of quotation marks.

That description you've got there of all the brothers is ... not unecessary, but a little boring. Not boring boring ... it's just ... I'm having realt trouble finding a good word here. Is it really necessary at this point? Yes? Then there's a time and place for everything, this maybe the place, but it's not the time. She's rushing. And I want to know what all the rushing is going to amount to and I can't find out and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat screaming "I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER BROTHERS, AND WOULDN'T IF THEY WERE TO JUMP OUT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN AT BITE OFF MY NOSE! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!"
*deep breath*
Well I could have said that more eloquently ... but for some reason I couldn't manage it, so that'll have to do. I hope you understand though ... today I seem to be writing stuff and not realising what I'm trying to say until I'm half way through it a lot.

She pulled off her dress and got into the boys clothes, they felt strange.

Well, I know I wouldn't be comfortable obeying some strange voice when it's saying: "Quick! Take your dress off!" I mean, how am I to know there isn't some creep watching me? I admire Finola's courage.
But good point on the clothes feeling strange, she wouldn't have worn boys clothes before.

“Thank you stable master.”

Hmmm ... it sounds ... odd, her calling him "stable master". Not the sort of thing I could imagine someone going around calling people. But then, different times, so who knows. But I would have used "sir" or something like that instead.

Finola still had the manners to say, even though she felt like she was going to fall off.

Oh! Please let her fall off! Just one iddy biddy fall?
Please? If I were to get on a horse for the first time, with only someone telling me what to do for directions, I'd stuff it up, or fall off, or both. She's not. And that annoys me. Just maybe let her do something to show she doesn't just get it prefect first go. Like kick the horse to hard or too soft.

But, I did not bring any with me.

It's kind of hard to see she's thinking this.

He knew that she was not really good with her money, and would hand it all over if he asked the right price.

He he. That makes me feel better after the horse thing.
I'm so petty.

“I must speak with my father, my mother is planning something to take the throne, she wants Oriel to die and father so deep in grief he cannot function, and she will make herself regent. I also had a message from someone, but he never told me his name. He told me I was to find a Night Rider named Tolmim, and tell him, that, he was a wolf riding towards his town, and he needs to speak with Ali.”

Is she really dumb enough to spout out the whole story to the first guy she meets? She has no idea what's going on, past her mother's plotting, and some weird voice just ordered her to leave her home on a horse she's never ridden, in her brother's clothes, to deliver a message to someone in some code, and above all has been told to be quick, that it's urgent. So she blabs the whole thing to some guy (who she doesn't even know) when he asks her what she's doing there?

“Father, mother is planning something terrible, she wants you to be so full of grief that she can be regent over the lands and this voice in my head told me to ride after you and he said you had to take Oriel back to court and he would be there soon and that Tolmim was supposed to take you through the passage and that he was a wolf riding towards his home!” Finola broke down into tears and clung to the front of Ali’s shirt. The startled elf put his arms round his daughter and glanced at Tolmim, who nodded.

Tut tut, this girl has got to learn to keep her mouth shut. She's crying. Understandable, lots of things have happened very fast. But she just poured out a whole lot of private family information in front of everyone in the room. If this was set in modern times, it'd be all over the papers the next morning. Monarchs simply don't need the lower classes privy to all their little power struggles. They might think the mother's got the right idea and revolt. They might panic if they thought things were looking shaky.



I didn't find one grammer slip up! Feel proud ... at least until someone better at grammer than me arrives and finds things I missed. So to anyone that comes after, if you find heapd of grammer errors I missed, I was rushing because I only had a short time on the computer to do this *whispers to Fool, "It's not true, but it's worth trying to save face."*
I'm crazy today. Don't mind my over-the-top-ness. But it's pretty good. Better written than the first bit, no little clumsy patches. It flowed nicly. Well done![/quote]




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Sun Jul 03, 2005 8:44 pm
Fool says...



Sorry the italics are not working, again...





constant state of confuzzle
— Quillfeather