Young Writers Society

this is true, angsty and...well...true? yeah. it's short, and for some reason i want to scream it in some cliche metal song while running around in circles and killing brain cells.
i actually liked the whole "lies lies lies" thing. god knows why.
cool. yeah. teenage angst. i can feel it.

sigh i'm so high haha =]

i don't understand why you put the "listen to the voices in your head" part. I think you should either expand or explain that. I liked the poem though, it rhymed.

It definitely needs more. As of now, it seems like a low-budget horror film that you can rent from Blockbuster for 2 weeks that no one cares about.

No Rivergirl, I seriously doubt you're ok.

Everybody else, I realize it's not much of a poem. I wrote it on the spur of the moment when I was feeling really depressed and I felt like posting something. *shrugs*. Thanks for all the comments.

But PsyLynx, what did you mean by absolutely hilarious?

It is exactly what the title implies. On second thought, no. It don't think it is random. Random implies no reason. That is doesn't come from anywhere. This comes from somewhere. I had a poem a lot like this scrawled on my theology notebook. It comes from a place I think a lot of us have been. So I don't think it is random. I do think it is short. For something so short, you have to choose your words very carefully since they each have to have more meaning. There can't be any excess. I think repeating "yourself" 3 times in 6 lines is too repetitive. I don't mind that it's short, but it has to be tighter, more polished to be self sustaining.

I liked this a lot... true it was short, but shorts okay if its a good poem, and it is. some times poems will sound awkward if you add onto them just to make them longer, so i dont think u should. i think it is really powerful and the rhyming doesnt sound forced at all to me. anyway, you said it was short in the title, so what did you expect people?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY DID YOU LOOK AT POEM THAT WARNED YOU IT WAS SHORT IF YOU WERE JUST GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW SHORT IT WAS AND IT WASNT EVEN TOO SHORT?!?!?!?!?!?!? HARUMPH!!!!!!! sorry, im okay...

The rhyming is too forced to make a good impact. And after the despise line, the poem falls apart.

I love this! Easy to memorize, but thats good, right? Its awesome how you can capture a whole emotion in just a few lines. Poems don't have to be long to be good. I can relate to this.

absolutely hilarious.

I think that using the word "yourself" in the first 2 lines, in such a short poem is a bit repetitive. But other than that the poem wasn't bad.

Keep on writin' in the free world.

I have to agree with emotion less. I think it needs more

Honestly I have to say what Crysi says...
I mean I could recite this with no flaws after having read it 3 times because I was looking for errors...

But this seemed to be way too short for errors... so I don't bother reading it again... It was nice, in a dark-depressed-meaningless- way. The thing that irritated me was that it rhymed... it wasn't forced but to me it was somehow just... put there and made "depressing".

"Claw out your eyes.
You'll still be the same ugly girl you despise."

True, and I liked it... Well you'll still be the same ugly girl who can't see what she has become.

*stares*

This hits home in so many ways.. If I never look at it again, it's only because it's too easy for me to memorize and I'd rather not hear it when I'm trying to sleep. Good, but a little too personal for me.

Very nicely done, but I see it a lot. I personally get disgusted with it all after I hear these because it makes me see how horibble the world is...whatever, I say it's awesome

I really like this. I don't think you really need to expand on it because it doesn't really seem to be about anyone, just a "short random dark depressing little poem", its kind of directed at everyone, you know? But again I really liked it, maybe not as a poem but a nice...*Shrugs* whatever you want to call it.

Fine as a piece of randomness, but not much of a poem. Poetry this short if not an easy thing to write, and needs way more than a couple of rhymes.

Yeah it was a little bit to short. I think it would be better if you expanded it like why she is depressed.

A release, maybe? I know how you feel. It's too short for me to really comment on, though.