Snoink

Hello sillyducky! I think you should start with the third stanza, actually, and get rid of your first two stanzas. They seem a little unnecessary! Also, and this may just ...

It's true! It's what my signature says, after all... where there is true charity, God is present! :D Unfortunately, God doesn't really seem to exist in this world... we messed ...

Hey imagine! :D One thing I would really like is if you could delve into the drama of this poem. Like, you hint of a forbidden love, but you don't ...

Hey Space Pirate! :D I kind of like this! It's a neat setting! One thing I would really like is more of a story. That is, you got the story, ...

Hello XJ! :D This seems like a rap more than a poem! Not that that's a bad thing... it just is, lol. Anyway, I would really like to see a ...

Hey Brooklyn! :D I kind of want to read the sequel where the guy would be totally suspended for inappropriate conduct, lol. Anyway, I find it highly unlikely that she ...

this poem is akin to stop and go traffic. I cannot tell you how difficult reading this poem is because I keep feeling like I'm jerked around so that the ...

I don't think bread knives are that good for killing people, actually. :P That aside! I think you can shorten the five stanzas that you have currently to something else ...

Hi silented! I think I would get rid of the first and fourth stanzas. They're just too cliched! Even if you removed on of t hem, the other one would ...

Haha, this is a cute poem. :) I want to write a poem here

Hey sillyducky! Right now, this seems more like a blog than a poem, if that makes sense. Like, you have all your thoughts down and you're trying to make sense ...

Oy, you don't have to quote everybody's critique. A nice thank you PM or a post on our walls or a gift would be good enough. :) Anyway, for the ...

LOL! What a boisterous rake, eh? :) I'm already writing your elegies.

Hey ratdragoon! :) I have to admit... I'm kind of a sucker for science poems too. This poem kind of reminded me of the Learned Astronomer... I think that's the ...

Eh... it's very... cheesy? I would like to see less COLOR (stanza full of facts) and more poetry. Right now it seems more like an instruction manual than a poem, ...