Published June 25, 2010
I'm not sure I understand this, really.
It was confusing and your tenses are messed up. There were some amazing concepts in there, it just needs to be fleshed out a little, maybe add some more detail to make it less confusing.
This isn't much of a review,I know, but anyway, I liked it, it just needs to be more understandable.
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140,722 Literary Works • 673,680 Reviews
Hey Space Pirate!
I kind of like this! It's a neat setting! One thing I would really like is more of a story. That is, you got the story, you got the potential conflict... but nothing really seems to happen! There's no action. I mean, I realize she's traumatized and everything, but the fact that she's traumatized doesn't really do anything. That's setting. You have a good setting... now don't be afraid to flesh this out into something bigger.
I really like your writing style. You have some beautiful sentences there! However, I agree with sillyducky that the tenses are a bit messed up and that it's confusing. As a story, I'm not quite sure much happened by way of plot, but I really loved your descriptions and concepts! With a little work, this can be a great piece of writing!