They have stolen you from me,
Taken away my happiness.
Now everything I see
Is pure dullness.
My heart lacks that extra beat,
My stomache the butterflies.
All I can do is take a seat
And sing my heart felt lullibies.
My passion burns,
Hot and high.
So many complicated turns
That my life will never fly by.
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
I feel you brought out the emotion of this poem very well. I definitely liked it. i could feel the pain within the words, though i do think that if the poem was a bit longer it could be even better. but over all i loved it
Hey,
My name is Day, and I shall review your short poem. As a whole I felt that the poem did an excellent job in expressing the feelings and emotions of the person. Since it is small there isn't much to correct in terms of spelling and grammar that hasn't been already corrected, so no advice there. Here is a few note on a specific area of the poem.
These are my favorite two lines, but I felt that the word dullness could be replaced.
Other than that nothing else seemed out of place, and punctuation was good.
Cheers,
~Day
Hey imagine!
One thing I would really like is if you could delve into the drama of this poem. Like, you hint of a forbidden love, but you don't actually tell us anything about it, save for her feelings and such. There is more to life than just thoughts and feelings! Show us more and really immerse us in the conflict... not just the emotional conflict, but the physical as well! After all, there is a separation, no?
Just some thoughts!
This poem reminds me so much of my sister and her personal issues, which I will not get into right now, but anyway, I like it! I could really feel the narrator's emotion as I read through, and to me, that makes a good poem. The title is well-fitting. I liked how you rhymed butterflies with lullabies. That was smart of you! Plus, rhyming poems are my favorite, so that's a win for me!
Overall, it was real well-written poem. Just fix the spelling errors the others pointed out, and it's be completely awesome!
-Emily
Heylo!
Just popping by to give you a quick review.
Spelling error here.
I think you meant 'lullabies' right?
Well, apart from the two spelling errors, I can't find any other mistakes.
A good piece overall.
Keep writing!
I try and review the newer pieces.
I think they are better, especially the poetry ones.
Wow ... wasn't expecting someone to review the piece so quickly..
... I really aprreciate your comments
THANKSSS!!
Your AWESOME
-XOXO imaginemymind
Hey,
This is really well written, but there is just one thing.
It doesn't have the feel of someone being stolen, it feels like the person has been left, but that may just be me.
Well done though, it is really flowing and has good rhythm.
~Retro Disco666