Snoink

Hey retrodisco! :D First of all, the storyline of this poem seems a little confused. In the first two stanzas, he seems to be alive and only contemplating his death, ...

I like the last line! :D I think, for the most part, this poem resembled more of a brainstorming session than an actual poem, if that makes sense. I mean, ...

Hey Captian! :D The repetition here is... well... repetitious! First of all, you keep on repeating "Sometimes I feel" (with an exception of two lines) and then you have another ...

Hey Harmony! First off, the repetition of "I carry" is rather... well... repetitious! I would like to see more done with this. You don't have to repeat everything like this. ...

Woo! Neat metaphor! :) First of all, I like the story in this poem and the metaphor that surrounds it! It's neat... I typically don't see any metaphors used by ...

Oy, yes, grammar is an issue in your writing seeing as you can't capitalize you I's in your comment. Very sloppy! XD Anyway, your poem! :) There's a couple of ...

Hey AutumnSun! I kind of like this, in that we get to see her reactions as she does this. What can I say? I love reactions! but I also kind ...

Hey fixed! :D Right now, it's a little odd because you start off with your friend considering suicide and then you go on about the narrator being typical... it just ...

Hey Katherine! :D I like how, in your poem, you combined both your thoughts with physical actions... we know that it is embarrassing when he ignores you and we can ...

Hey Lindabelle! A very beautiful name... literally! ;) First of all, when you wrote "Hey Jude"? That was pretty much the most awesome thing ever. :) My main advice would ...

Hey Tigger! And yes, that is my nickname for you. :P One thing I would really like is to see some sort of conclusion here. I mean, you have all ...

Gah! I love this poem! The nature, the roses, the fantastical imagery, the grand scale scope of everything... in a sense, it's truly epic. And it doesn't hurt that my ...

Months went by; months of me missing SAT testing dates, and months of college deadlines passing me by without my knowledge. Never, ever admit to this if you don't have ...

Hey Allison! Welcome to YWS! Hopefully, you'll get settled down soon and start feeling comfortable enough to comment on other people's works. :) Anyway, I found this really abstract! In ...

Hey THsavedme! Welcome to YWS! :) One of the things that I think you can expand on for this poem is the ambiguity of it! What is consuming her? What ...