Things I Carry Inside Me

Well, thanks everyone for the help.

I like it before, but i can see that this is an improvement.

~Retro Disco666

Okay well, here is version number 2

I carry
the good and the bad of things around me.
the thoughts that pass by and the words that were left unsaid.
the memories of the past and the dreams of the future.
the secrets I have heard and the feelings that surround me.
the self-confidence I must have and the courage I must need.

I carry
the confusion and awareness of life itself.
the journeys I have been through and the adventures I must take.
the choices I must make and the responsibility I must have.
the passion for wonders and the discoveries to make.
the inspiration I encountered and the time I must make up.

And most of all I carry the person who I am and the person who I must become.

I actually disagree. I love this poem.

I think the repetition re-enforces everything that she has to carry, but it seems that is just me, but i wouldn't change this if i were you.

Well done.

~Retro Disco666

Actually, I really like that setup and totally understand the annoyance of the "I carry". Thanks everyone, I'll change it

Ok, I'm pretty sure everyone else has already mentioned this, but, please, please, please, get rid of all the "I carry" lines.
The repetition is actually annoying to read, besides that, keep it up. Maybe write it like this:

I Carry
the good and the bad of things around me.
the thoughts that pass by and the words that were left unsaid.
the memories of the past and the dreams of the future.
the secrets I have heard and the feelings that surround me.
I carry
the self-confidence I must have and the courage I must need.
the confusion and awareness of life itself.
the journeys I have been through and the adventures I must take.
the choices I must make and the responsibility I must have.
the passion for wonders and the discoveries to make.
the inspiration I encountered and the time I must make up,
most of all I carry
the person who I am and the person who I must become.

While I do think this poem would be good without all the "I carry" lines, I think it is still good now and I understand that you were mimicking a writer for a school project. I'll have to check that writer out someday

Keep posting poems dear cousin of mine Can't wait to read some of your short stories as well!

Yeah, I understand what you both mean, thanks, but also this was for school a while back and I HAD to repeat the lines like that. All of the poems I have posted so far are from school with RULES I have to follow in them, which is annoying at times. I'm glad you picked up on it, but the I carry is supposed to be there. It was from some poet that came to our school.

Hello there.
I really did not like the repeating phrase, it was annoying so to speak. If you want to repeat this, why don't you try and leave the 'I carry the' in the first line and last line and see how that works. I think that it would sound much better and even be really good. But that's just me so...

Keep writing

Hey Harmony!

First off, the repetition of "I carry" is rather... well... repetitious! I would like to see more done with this. You don't have to repeat everything like this. With that said, I think some variety is needed here! See if you can rephrase your lines and just redo them so that they bounce a little bit instead of trudging along like a tired army, as they do now. I think you'll like it better that way.