What a monster I've made of myself.
I'm selfish:
the guy I'm in love with,
and have been,
is thinking about killing himself,
and I'm worried about him not talking to me!
What kind of friend am I?
I guess it's typical of a girl like me,
who stares out windows,
willingly letting a tear drop down and tickle her toe
seeming to laugh at her
with a glint of light--
and then disappearing into the carpet
almost innocently,
if a mocking tear could seem like that.
I guess it's typical for a teenager
to be enveloped in their small world
of fantasy loves
and games
flirting helplessly over texts,
(like you could flirt through a text)
letting themselves get butterflies
when a boy says something--
anything to them.
It must be typical
because I'm not unusual.
I mean,
I think I'm not.
But...
Denial.
That's a hard thing to get control of,
especially a teenage girl
like me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey fixed!
Right now, it's a little odd because you start off with your friend considering suicide and then you go on about the narrator being typical... it just seems a little odd! I think the stanza which starts like this ("I guess it's typical of a girl like me,") should be the beginning of the poem since it's rather catchy, and then, following the next stanza, you should bring up the friend considering suicide. That way, the dramatic effect is more lingering and less confusing!
Just a thought.
Hello there fixed.
I liked this. I like the way you use your words and it made this really deep. There was a great flow of emotion. I can tell that this was the kind of poem you let flow out of you at once.
I liked the imagery in this.
However, I think that towards the end you over exaggerated the 'typical' fact too much and for me it didn't work because it totally destroyed the interpretation I had in the beginning. Alright, let me put it like this because I don't understand myself right now
Overall, this was a good poem but it can be improved to be fantastic.
Good job