this is my first thing posted, let me know what you think, good and bad
There is no more
That she can feel
All there is is hurt
This just can not be real
It came slowly
But not with out sound
For she knew it was coming
And for this she wasn’t proud
She could have stopped it
Turned around and waved it away
But she thought it might help
Save her from another day
What is this thing?
That consumes you whole?
That eats you inside,
All your heart and soul?
For it is the darkness
And it is coming up fast
Up that flight of stairs
And she new long she shale not last
But the light is behind her
It’s brightening up the sky
She knows that the light could save her
And in the darkness she may die
But she had tried the light before
And it had done its best
But it could not save her
In her mind the darkness would not rest
So she gets up and takes the steps
Descending one by one
Hoping the hurt will go away
Now that the darkness has won.
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Canary word: Present
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Is the whole thing meant to be a metaphor?
Only one is.
I admire your use of symbolism in this poem. I thought that you did a good job portraying good Vs. evil.
I also thought it was interesting that the main character gave into the evil.
Overall I think the rhythm of the poem was good. I hope that you continue to write poems. Fiction
thanks!!! yay im glad someone read it. i get what your saying about the being to broud, i will keep that in mind next time. thanks =]
Hey THsavedme! Welcome to YWS!
One of the things that I think you can expand on for this poem is the ambiguity of it! What is consuming her? What is this hurt? You kind of describe it, but only abstract terms so it doesn't seem real. However, it's unreal in the ambiguous way, not the surreal way. So you should totally add some description of what is physically happening. That way, we can get drawn into your poem more.
Good luck!