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Re: Let the horses run
Hey disco! :D Okay, so the typos are absolutely killlllling your poem. So you need to take them out! And you also love to use pronouns, but you don't introduce ...
Feb 27, 2011 -
Re: Circle I (i-Luke)
Stella! And... Stella writing?! OMNOMNOM. Anyway! I'm not sure if this is me misreading things due to sleep deprivation or whatever, but... are these people she's seeing not real? Because ...
Feb 22, 2011 -
Re: She's dancing with Elvis.
I miss Grandma Rose too. :( One request... can you tell us more stories about what she did with you, personally? I don't know... I love these sorts of bittersweet ...
Feb 22, 2011 -
Re: untitled... chapter one
Just a quick note! Don't worry too much about putting it in manuscript format. Nowadays, publishers like it when you use the automatic formatting that Word has. The days when ...
Feb 17, 2011 -
Re: The Vacuum Cleaner
Oooh, I do like this! I would like to see it a bit longer, but only because it's rather fantastic! I love your word choice and your imagery. The rhyming ...
Feb 17, 2011 -
Re: Liar
It looks like an excellent introduction! The last line does stick out a bit and sounds a bit cheesy, however that's only because the build up is so good so ...
Feb 17, 2011 -
Re: The King's Speech (2010) Review
NO. The use of Mozart's Clarinet Concerto automatically makes the music 10/10. Maybe 11/10. I'm sorry, we must agree to disagree in this particular point. And yeah. This was an ...
Feb 14, 2011 -
Re: No. 1
Woo! Going kind of Simon and Garfunkel there, aren't you? Reminiscent of "The Boxer"! :) Anyway, I think this would be a lot spiffier in the Lyrics forum, since you ...
Feb 8, 2011 -
Re: Crash
Hey Kafka! First of all, I don't really like the second person here. Next of all, you have so many destructive images together here that it's almost a hodgepodge of ...
Feb 8, 2011 -
Re: Chain-Link Fence
Hmm... I think the poem is only powerful with the introductory paragraph. I think in the poem you may want to expand more on who these former quarterbacks are. Also, ...
Feb 5, 2011 -
Re: Despair
Hm... I like your other poem better! This one seems a little bit too tame and unmoving, if you know what I mean! My favorite stanza was your second to ...
Feb 5, 2011 -
Re: When Bunnies Attack
Anyway! I think plotbunnies are cute and cuddly. Don't they bounce around and give writers ideas for stories? That's what I thought! In any case, I think you should EMBRACE ...
Feb 5, 2011 -
Re: The Rain's Dance
Ooh, nice poem! :D A couple minor changes I think would make this really neat! It's raining again. Why do I feel so sad when it rains?
Feb 5, 2011 -
Re: Lust
Hi Lukan! :D This poem was pretty good and the rhymes weren't forced, which made it fabulous! They rhythm was a little off at times, so you might want to ...
Feb 5, 2011 -
Re: Code of the mistake
Hi EternityRain! Interesting story. :) Nice characters too! A couple of thoughts! I think you shouldn't start off with talking about how she is an orphan, because clearly she is ...
Feb 5, 2011
