When Bunnies Attack

Wrytorz Blok (to those who don't know, that's "Writer's Block") has sealed up most of my stories. Thus, this is one of the few things that I can write at present (aside from a new project...ish...buuut that's for Part 3 to cover. xD >> *sweatdrops* I didn't say anything! ^^; )

Anyway. On with the Misadventure series in Part 2: When Bunnies Attack!

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Did I mention yet that Gwen has an obsession with butterflies? Somehow she manages to translate that into following Bunny Trails. Don’t look at me; that’s one of the few things I can say with certainty is definitely her creation.

It would be all well and good…if she didn’t like to drag my characters along on her goose-chasing spelunking expeditions.

“Liiiiiiiink,” I groan to the only immune Hero of the bunch. “Get them back here, will you? I can’t have them running around while I’m trying to write.” I wince when a disturbing crash echoes from their corner of my mind—no doubt Wind Waker being the clutz he is, as usual. “And they’re going to break something valuable if they keep it up. If it’s anything of Kerani’s, I’m not saving their butts again.”

He nods obediently—gracing me with the smile that won him my authorial affection—and stalks off in the direction of the commotion.

Ah, the benefits of having a self-made fanfic character—immune to normal canon charrie diseases, more flexible when it comes to relationships, and always willing to offer fresh ideas to their own plot unconstrained by the limits of canon.

It’s probably the only reason he’s immune to the Pull of Ridiculousness Gwen loves to emit at times. And also the number two reason I made him leader of the Chain-Link Gang. (The first would be because he’s mine. Mine all mine all okay I’ll stop squeeing now.)

My thoughts rudely return themselves to the dog fight—literally—that’s going on a section over from the Inner Sanctum. Twilight and Link are at it again. Link’ll win, though; he always does. Still, the racket never fails to give me a headache, and as Twilight yelps again, I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose.

“Need a break from those fanfic types?” a young, amused voice queries.

I look up to see Jen—aka Gwyn, not to be confused with Gwen the Two-Faced Muse—standing by my desk.

Offering her a weak grin, I reply, “Guess you could say that. Haven’t seen you around in a while, though.”

The young monarch shrugs. “Einian and I have been busy. Teaching the new Riders. Learning to run the kingdom. Keeping Dargon’s followers at bay.” Her draconic grin spreads over her face. “The usual. As it appears to be here, also.”

I return her shrug semi-helplessly and wince again as something else shatters in the Gang’s quarters. Young Ocarina howls in anger this time, immediately echoed by his older counterpart. There’re usually only one of two things that get that kind of reaction out of the quiet Hero.

Instantly I’m on my feet and pounding toward them. Angrily yanking the door open, I demand, “Alright, who broke the Ocarina this time?”

All activity, even Link and Twilight’s fight, stops. Dead silence falls with the weight of a pin on the floor of the courtyard. When no answer is forthcoming—except from the crickets—and no shards of pale-blue porcelain are apparent, I sigh and lean against the doorjamb.

“Ocarina, what did they break?” It had to be that second item.

I can see he’s fighting tears as he holds out the pieces of glass. “The little Epona Zelda got me for my birthday,” he says with a tiny quaver in his voice. The other Links duck their heads ashamedly at the hurt and angry glare older Ocarina sends their way.

I gesture for him to hand it to me; the boy gently lays the pieces on my palm. My hand curls around them and then opens to show nothing. “I’ll get it to The Tinkerer later.” Glaring at the rest of the Gang, I continue, “But first we have some punishment to deal out…”

Pounding footsteps and the slap of a hand bracing against a wall at high speed interrupt me. I swiftly straighten and turn to see Link’s soulmate Kelly standing in the door, eyes wide and breathing quickly.

“The Plot Bunnies!” she gasps. “They’ve found Gwen’s tunnels. They are coming!”

Before complete pandemonium can break out, I wave a Spell of Command over the Gang. “Battle stations,” I growl out, stalking back into the Inner Sanctum.

The dim interior brightens for a moment, then blurs again when the lighting turns red. My usual plain wooden chair has morphed into a high-backed Captain’s Chair, and my desk into a bank of touch-screen monitors. Possible battle plans scroll over every surface.

A smile creeps over my lips as I slide into the chair, running my fingers over the console. They pause when they reach the pink phone on the far left. Its label reads “PB TAC-NUKE”.

I debate using the secret weapon now and obliterating the threat before it even starts. ‘But we don’t know the size and composition of the enemy yet.’ I smirk. ‘…And besides—where’s the fun and creativity in just blasting them to Kingdom Come?’

My attention turns to my second-in-command for today—Jen. “I don’t suppose Gwen is going to join us.”

She smirks and rolls her eyes. “You know her. She adores these creatures. She’d be less help than cold molasses in January, even if she did show up.”

Before I can do more than chuckle in agreement, an alarm bleeps for my attention. Red text appears on a tall rectangular screen to the right: BUNNY PROXIMITY WARNING. Another follows it not a second later, echoed by a message from the ground commander—each reading “EST 1K STRONG” and “Visual on the hostiles”, respectively.

My eyes flick across the scrolling screens before I reply to Link. I look up at the simulated image of the battleground projected before my console as my fingers fly across the retractable keyboard: “Enact Delta Formation. Concentrate effort on large pockets of resistance. Fire at will.”

The Links, joined by various other brave-warrior-types, alternate long and short range weapons and fall into my Fire Emblem formation of choice—the Defensive Diamond. Link and Kel plus a few healers stand in the center, the former to better carry out my orders and the latter to…well, heal.

Mere seconds after the charries settle into formation, we hear the Bunnies’ approach. It starts as a tiny tremor, barely felt in the soles of one’s shoes. The quake quickly expands, moving into the pit of our stomachs before settling in our hearts as a rhythmic rumble. My warriors brace…

And the storm breaks.

They pour into the cavern from all directions, squealing and gnashing beaver-like incisors as they tumble over their fellows like debris in a flood. Through the simulation, I can almost hear Link call for archers to take aim as the front line readies for the inevitable impact. Multiple Light Arrows flicker into life, shining like stars in the fog that accompanies the Bunnies.

Time seems to slow before the collision. My right hand hovers over the Command Panels, my left over the TAC-NUKE receiver. I might have underestimated the starved force this time; it’s been a while since they snacked on one of my stories.

Now they’re howling for sustenance.

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Stay tuned for part 2.2!