Published February 5, 2011
Like darkness flees from the light,
one glance at you and I take flight.
Something about you isn't the same,
and I'm too weak to play that game.
My heart's in pieces; and so it will stay,
from the last time you walked away.
Now all I can do is sit and cry,
and beg, and plead, and wonder why.
But anger floods my resolve,
and anger is what takes it all.
Anger overwhelms the pain.
Anger is what keeps me "sane."
But I was tripped; I fell for you.
You say the same, but is that true?
You don't have any of my trust;
simply all this is, is lust.
But hush, let's keep the secret hidden,
can't you see? This lust is forbidden.
In bed; alone. Silently, I weep,
and the pain slowly lolls me to sleep.
My dreams are filled with you at night
and I await the morning's light.
When I wake, the anger returns,
as I find scars left from your burns.
I chuckle darkly, but the joke's not funny.
I laugh at the times you called me "honey."
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140,916 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
this is BODE!! bode means bad in the good way.
I think that this description is my favorite in this poem
Because everybody's already critisised what really needs critisising, I'm just going to say that I like this
Good job; you're real' good at setting dark scenes Xx
I agree with what Snoink was saying about the lack of description of the relationship. You mention your anger, and your hurt emotions, and that the relationship is nothing but lust, but you don't SHOW how the relationship is lust. Other than that, all my other critiques have been mentioned already. In general, good job.
Hi Lukan!
This poem was pretty good and the rhymes weren't forced, which made it fabulous! They rhythm was a little off at times, so you might want to do a syllable check, but it was generally good.
One thing that you might want to do is describe the relationship. You described the beginning and the end, but there is curiously no mention about the middle of it. So you might want to expand there.
Nice poem!
This was a good poem. I like the general idea, and I think it flowed well except it certain places.