Snoink

Prologue: The End. OMG! THE SHORTEST STORY! AWESOME! Er... yeah. Get rid of the army talk. It just doesn't fit. Gryphons are so friggin' awesome that they don't need weapons. ...

The whole poem seems rushed and forced. I do like one line, "my friend, where are you going?" because it slows down the piece. It is simply stated and it ...

Hopefully it will be recorded! We have no guitar, so most likely Grif will be singing the guitar line, unless Beet wants to come over with her guitar. XD Yeah. ...

Okay! First of all, I did enjoy it. It was startling deep at times, yet not stiff and pretentious. While I read it, I could imagine a teenager leaning over ...

This critique looks like it will be done in sections... The sun was just beginning to make its ascent over the horizon, and Ari Levin was already up and dressed, ...

This was my favorite part: orbit the planetary track elliptical emotional crap satellites will crash and our routine will break The fourth line, that is. Mostly because it looks like ...

The repetition works, except for this line, since it seems too long... Passes me by and I scream out “God, you suck! God, you suck!” I don't know. I think ...

I know how much you just love my critiques on poetry, so I won't say much. :P It was long... very long... but the strange way it was held together ...

First of all, this reminds me of some stories I did a little bit back, before all the angst began permeating my teenage life. It written in an upbeat manner, ...

LOL! A mí me gusta mucho! A surprise ending that is not the typical, "Omg, my life is so horrible so I have to die." It actually shows... passion! Of ...

Filled pages are worse because then you think, "Oh gosh, I can't possibly change that ." Most likely, that needs to be changed, but no... *shakes head* Get rid of ...

Qi is right. When you have something this short, then you should probably put the chapters together since it's easier to keep track of. Or, why can't you post the ...

Eh... I was kind of disappointed. I thought the poem was about an inability to express gentle laughter, thus you hate this poem since you couldn't express yourself fully. But... ...

I don't know... I like your other poem better. This doesn't really have much vivid imagery. It seems more of "you can't love me, so bye!" sort of poem. To ...

Hmm... interesting stuff. But... my hard drive! *sobs in corner* And yeah, Grif is right. Whenever you have some tips or help for writers, it should be put in the ...