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Re: Bound for Glory: Our Brethren
to enjoy each others company I'm pretty sure that there should be an apostrophe somewhere in there. Where? Er... I have a confession to make. I am really really bad ...
Jan 18, 2006 -
Re: Ode to the Toad
Haikus aren't supposed to rhyme. :P So your two mentions of "frog" shouldn't be, because technically they rhyme. Not good. :P Play around with it a bit and see what ...
Jan 18, 2006 -
Re: passwords
I like this stanza: You said, "I'm glad I met you." I laughed because, well, because. Otherwise... I've learned to expect better from you. ;) And I agree, dark angel ...
Jan 17, 2006 -
Re: Fool
For a second, I thought this was Nates's! XD Okay... serious now! I'm going to critique your grammar. Grammar isn't as important in poems as it is in stories, but ...
Jan 17, 2006 -
Re: The Black Rose
Oh, the words aren't that old-fashioned. :P "I love upo the rage" What does "upo" mean? "And pierce other's hands" It should be others'. This is because you're talking about ...
Jan 16, 2006 -
Re: Held in the arms of love
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Okay, first of all I did like this. In fact, I tend to like anything of a joyful nature. So! Let's continue from there! Generally, wherever you have a ...
Jan 16, 2006 -
Re: Raspberry and Cream
Ooo! It has a lot of potential. :) First of all, I think this can have linebreaks where you put the commas. So it would look like this: Raspberry and ...
Jan 16, 2006 -
Re: Love, in three parts
I told you your work was always worth waiting for. ;) Okay, grammatically, your guy was rather repetitive in this thoughts. There was one sentence that had anyway twice it ...
Jan 15, 2006 -
Re: The Sound Of Music
Wow... if you could do that in 45 minutes, you're skilled. ;) My main problem was that it was hard to read aloud. Try it... some of the words are ...
Jan 15, 2006 -
Re: The Death Of Spam
My favorite chapter is one. It just seems funnier. :) But all in all, the rush of words is fun. Perhaps you can even put this in poetry form for ...
Jan 14, 2006 -
Re: *Nothing*
As a writer, I don't do all of the work. You, as the reader, have to do some too. Interesting thought. One writer developed that thought even further. He was ...
Jan 14, 2006 -
Re: The Silent Circus
It's okay. There are some parts where the symbolism gets overbearing. "The organ plays a surreal song, while reality waits at the doorways." In this line, the word "reality" sounds ...
Jan 14, 2006 -
Re: Butterflies
Nice and sweet. :) Very tender and sensual too... cool stuff. I will have to kill you though, lol. Read and learn to love. It's a bunch of examples of ...
Jan 13, 2006 -
Re: corny suicide poetry
HA! Suicide poetry is so fun to make fun of. I love the clichéd lines and everything. Howver, I would think it clever to mock some of the suicide poetry ...
Jan 8, 2006 -
Re: My Leap From The Lion's Head - A Response Letter To My Teach
For me, the youngest student in the class who is just getting settled in to being in a class that is, to borrow a word from Mr. Wit, radical in ...
Jan 7, 2006
