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Young Writers Society



Fool

by jpenny


"Why do fools fall in love?",
is a question I've always wondered.
Up until now, in that department I've always blundered.
But at the moment things are different,
the time's have changed.

Ever since it happened my life's been rearranged.
My feelings aren't a high school, " I love you, I love you too" sort of deal.
I'm talking about the amazing way I feel.
I guess a "Fool's" love, isn't the kind everyone can see.
Just call me Fool,
because it's the most beautiful to me.

The concept of "love"
seems to be made up of a person who says "I love you."
But after you say it, what does your relationship come to?

To me, Love isn't something you think,
it's something you know.
And if you truly love them, it'll show.
High school and Puppy love are things that will slowly fade away.
But a Fool's Love, will forever stay.

Love is when you're convinced you can't live without some special person.
It gets to where people call you a Fool, because your mind's so certain.
"Why do Fool's fall in love?" is a question
who's answer may never come.
It's not so obvious to most,
but crystal clear to some.

** I wasn't sure what title to put on this poem, so if ya'll have suggestions, they're greatly appreciated.**


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3821 Reviews


Points: 3891
Reviews: 3821

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Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:33 am
Snoink wrote a review...



For a second, I thought this was Nates's! XD

Okay... serious now!

I'm going to critique your grammar. Grammar isn't as important in poems as it is in stories, but me, being primarily a storywriter, have to have some fun, eh? :)

"Why do fools fall in love?"
is a question I've always wondered.
Up until now, in that department I've always blundered.
But at the moment things are different,
the times have changed.

Ever since it happened my life's been rearranged.
My feelings aren't a high school, " I love you, I love you too" sort of deal.
I'm talking about the amazing way I feel.
I guess a "Fool's" love, isn't the kind everyone can see.
Just call me Fool,
because it's the most beautiful to me.

The concept of "love"
seems to be made up of a person who says "I love you."
But after you say it, what does your relationship come to?

To me, Love isn't something you think,
it's something you know.
And if you truly love them, it'll show.
High school and Puppy love are things that will slowly fade away.
But a Fool's Love, will forever stay.

Love is when you're convinced you can't live without some special person.
It gets to where people call you a Fool, because your mind's so certain.
"Why do Fools fall in love?" is a question
whose answer may never come.
It's not so obvious to most,
but crystal clear to some.


I didn't do much, but you will notice a slight difference1 :)

Next, I think that it's not so much as the rhyming being forced, but the metering being off. For example:

High school and Puppy love are things that will slowly fade away.
But a Fool's Love, will forever stay.


I would rather see:

High school and Puppy love are things that will slowly fade away.
But a Fool's Love, my dear, will forever stay.


It just sounds a little better. Don't ask. :P

That was the easiest I found. Read it aloud and try to make it as smooth as possible, so that your tongue doesn't stumble over any awkward metering scheme. It's a little difficult, but indeed worth it!

You also seperate these lines:

the time's have changed.

Ever since it happened my life's been rearranged.


I don't think you should. The rhyming scheme holds them together, and to seperate them almost seems criminal!

Otherwise, nice poem. It flows together pretty well. :)




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Points: 1078
Reviews: 333

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Tue Jan 17, 2006 1:19 am
emotion_less wrote a review...



There were some parts I really did not like, but for the most part, I liked it. Most of the parts I didn't like were forced-to-rhyme lines that didn't seem necessary.

And if you truly love them, it'll show.
-
Up until now, in that department I've always blundered.
-
...is a question
who's answer may never come.

Since your rhyme is inconsistent anyway... these parts just seemed unnecessary to me.

Reword lines:
I'm talking about the amazing way I feel.
-
Love is when you're convinced you can't live without some special person.


I guess a "Fool's" love, isn't the kind everyone can see.
Just call me Fool,
because it's the most beautiful to me.

The concept of "love"
seems to be made up of a person who says "I love you."
But after you say it, what does your relationship come to?

Switch the placement of these two. It would make more sense.

Also try working on grammar...

Although I'm skeptical to say I totally understand and agree with you, I did like the way the poem was written. Keep it up.





The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart