Snoink

Wow... interesting take on frozen foods. A sonata depicts music, so I want more description on the music, or at least lack of. So you have lots and lots of ...

Gah! I love the prologue! You have to make that more a part of the story! That is the interesting thing. How does he interrogate him? How does he get ...

Mmmm... Yeah. I actually like it that you altered the first line. It fits for its purpose. You edited it quite nicely, I think. And if you did the original ...

Beer-colored sunset... eep. So it's ended with a batch of alcohol and now she's bleeding it all out. Yeah, this is pretty. :) In a slightly morbid way, of course... ...

One thing weird about this poem (and your other one) is how the beginning is so jerky. One reason why I like your poetry is because it leads into the ...

Stuff on Dialogue First... dialogue grammar! I wrote this article. Perhaps you'll find it useful? With that said, let's go to the actual way of supporting dialogue. Now I know ...

OOOOH! I love this! It's so weird and haunting and everything that OMG! It's not what I expected at all, but that's fine since it totally exceeded my expectations! And ...

Think of your friends, the people around you. As many of them as you can. Now, how many are of a different race than you? A different religion? Social class? ...

I think you might want to put this in the storybook section. That's where the RPG's (stories that can be added on to by other people) go. ^_^ Storybook section ...

Aye, I agree! The brick road analogy is very confusing, to put it lightly. When you're writing something, especially poetry, you have to be careful about what you're referencing. Literary ...

Nice to see you back, Sophie! :D I think the weirdest thing about both these poems is their lack of imagery. It's just a bunch of fragments you tied together, ...

Two quick things... The grammar counts. Right now, you're dialogue grammar is mostly wrong. See THIS as a reference. If you have any questions, ask. The beginning doesn't have very ...

Aw... so sad. :( Just a few things to clean up: Yea, my foster parents. Should be "yeah." I’m not sure how I feel about remembering the orphanage. I was ...

Oh dear... Yeah. Now I must a really lame critic and say that I really did like this and I hope that you turn this into a novel. :) Two ...

Ahh... but I like all the neons! :) Nice work! Especially for the title. It really jumps out at you, like a title should. :)