I haven't posted anything for a while, so I thought I'd chuck these two untitled pieces on here and see what you throw back
One
Like the smoke curling round my fingers,
Like the cherries that fall from trees,
Like the promises kept, and guilt carried -
You will always stay around
Always there to remind me of summer's sweet wine,
And the stars we watched whilst turning to frost,
from the roof of your car.
Those feelings mistook for so much,
It was all just so many red leaves
scattered in autumn like promises, and secrets.
It was all just the stories we told.
Jokes we shared.
All they were was Envy,
Not to be With you, but Be you.
Simplicity,
Jealousy.
Two
Dogs bark,
Water freezes to ice,
You said that you loved me.
Life's cold,
Like seasons it fractures.
I'm sick now.
Shards. And strikes.
And calling from the walls.
I'm so sick of portraying,
Sketching, like an arrogant twig.
The boy who adored me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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uhhhh i'd love to praise this work.... but i can't.
Yuck! Bad poetry is a blight to the soul... teachers should pay attention to the stuff they force others to read. O_o
Awesome advice. Pretty obvious thing to be lacking and yet I missed it.
It's probably all the badly chosen poetry we're studying in English Lit, it's drained all the imagery out of me.
Nice to see you back, Sophie!
I think the weirdest thing about both these poems is their lack of imagery. It's just a bunch of fragments you tied together, but it really doesn't seem to connect. So instead of telling us what's going on, show it. Present some rich imagery for us to connect to instead of the bare fragments you have here.
Good luck!