Young Writers Society

I personally really liked reading this poem. The title fits it perfectly. And the way you describe it so a person sees pictures is great. Keep it up!

Au Revoir

~~*Judi Patootie*~~

I loved the rythm and flow of this poem, but what does it mean? To be more accurate: why did you choose to write about neon in association with wedding dresses and eternal darknes? (What is it in darkness and wedding dresses that makes it 'a deadly bite'?)

Overall I really liked it, it was random in a deep kind of way, my only wish is that you made whatever message it was you wanted to send through this poem more clear.

Cheers, and good luck!

it is very good.

i like it, it's very different--it has a different flow & subject it seems then most other poems posted do.

Chandni,


Some images here worth keeping, a line there worth saving, but overall, this has no impact on me.

I would prescribe a metaphorical laminectomy and a new structure of the skeletal system before any more serious progress can be made.


Best,
Brad

Loved it
That is all i can say
I havn't a clue what you were talking about but nethertheless
I loved it!

Charlotte

Oh wow! That was awesome! You should definatley write more poems. I would love to read more of your work.
Dani

Thank you great people of YWS for the lovely comments and for all of you who had some confusion with the word "canescent"

Definitions of canescent:


adjective: covered with fine whitish hairs or down
adjective: grayish white
Example: "The canescent moon"

Voila mon amis lol

I really like it, your use of neon, and contrasting it with eternal darkness is very provokative! i absolutely love the flow, but i must say i agree about the last two lines, it might sound better with the

Neon brings,
“A deadly bite”

as

Neon brings a deadly bite.

i still really enjoyed it!

I agree, I'm not sure about the last few lines. They seemed a bit jerky, particularly the last two. But I did like the tone of the piece, and the neon. So keep the neon lol. Particularly love the last line of the second stanza: "Neon sets too much on sight." Awesome

Yeah, great poem. The flow/rhythm is good, as said above. The rhyming...ah, I don't know. Some rhyming parts just seem awkward.

Chandni wrote:
Neon brings,
“A deadly bite”

Is 'Canescent', meant to be 'Incandescent?

Ahh... but I like all the neons!

Nice work! Especially for the title. It really jumps out at you, like a title should.

Canescent

Wow, that was awesome. You have a great sense of rhythm and flow...

Or shall I speak of neon black?
That line just sticks out (In a good way)

thnx

Cool poem. I love the title.