Published October 4, 2006
Ali Williams jumped down from the wall, in the process knocking his bag of the wall.
We swept a blond lock of hair from his brown skin. Ali was 5ft 8 and was 14, he lived in East Suseex in a quiet town named Battle, near hastings.
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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well this is remarkably short for a short story. This definitely doesn't even quite qualify for a short, short story really nor does it seems like its even really trying to stand on its own as one of those one sentence, two sentence affairs. Even if this was some sort of excerpt for a story it doesn't quite sound like it really belongs in too many spots, but I will try and review the bit we do have on our hands here.
For starters the title here seems a little odd and it really doesn't seem to be spelling out anything in particular, you might want to rethink things starting from there or at leave it as untitled. Then there is also the issue of this character introduction here. The very first line there about jumping in works okay, but that's about it, because right after you basically launch into a full on character description here, and that is certainly not the sort of thing that you want to see in a story. I think you have to really think about this one a little more and find a way to more sneakily introduce these details rather than dumping them out here.
Well other than that, there's not really much else to say int his piece. As far as starts this one needs revising.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yeh, you definitly need to add more for people to give you more constructive criticism. But it sounds good for a begining.
RR*
i agree with the other commenters, but i think that you really need to write more on this story. But aways remember never let anyone put you down on your storys (love Jack)
I think you might want to put this in the storybook section. That's where the RPG's (stories that can be added on to by other people) go. ^_^
Look around the forums and try to find a sample story to see what an appropriate length is. 
Storybook section
And if this your excerpt of your story, this isn't enough to critique, if you know what I mean.
"Houston, we have a problem."
That problem is that this isn't really anything. It's three sentences that say 'a boy jumped off a wall', effectively.
There really isn't any point in posting this. There's nothing to be done with it here.
And your spelling and grammar are horrible.