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Re: the abandoned
Hahahaha... didn't see that coming! It's pretty... I like how it shows that words have lives of their own, but you said it a lot more poetically than I. ;) ...
Nov 15, 2006 -
Re: My Friend John
You need to show more than tell. Like, I like narrative styles and I use it frequently through my own work, but there always has to be conflict in it ...
Nov 15, 2006 -
Re: The Chair of Wind & Darkness: Draft Two [1-4]: Closed
Hahaha... I've been wanting to reread this and give a non-crappy critique. So, after I did my history test, I decided to read it and stuff! Fun stuff, no? :) ...
Nov 14, 2006 -
Re: Photograph
Nah... it's good. Because it's not just the poem you look at -- it's the title as well. And because the title was "Photograph" this clues us in to think ...
Nov 12, 2006 -
Re: Ultimate equation
Hahaha... shouldn't the answer be 42? ;) Okay... seriously now, most of the poem is okay, but what I can't stand is the last line: Life + Meaning This is ...
Nov 12, 2006 -
Re: Greater Elsewhere
Whee! Another work that I don't hate the writer for his/her lack of grammar! You don't know how nice that is. ;) But, unfortunately for you, I'm not going to ...
Nov 11, 2006 -
Re: Song for You: a haiku
Oooo.... actually, I like that lack of comma because of the double meaning. I like haikus since they're so simple, but they usually aren't. The first line I love because ...
Nov 11, 2006 -
Re: False
Other fiction, perhaps? ;) This had the chance to be really horribly angsty crap, but you've seem to avoid it, instead going into the mind of someone who was hurt ...
Nov 11, 2006 -
Re: Traveling Light
I think that it's perhaps a little too simple. That is, I think you're rhyming it too much. This might not be so bad, but the flow sounds so wrong. ...
Nov 10, 2006 -
Re: My favourite things
Yeah... when you write poetry, you not only have to worry about the poem being good, but the title as well! If you are going to make a new work ...
Nov 10, 2006 -
Re: Caste of the Spider
*twitches* Okay... um... it really wasn't that bad. No seriously. If I were a writer, committed solely to the I can look at this and say, "Hey, this is fairly ...
Nov 10, 2006 -
Re: tips on good writing
I moved this in Original Fiction because dude! You want to get critiques on this, don't you? :D First of all, don't worry about pleasing everybody. You want to make ...
Nov 7, 2006 -
Re: Tresbourn Island (Working Title)
First of all, the grammar is kind of weird. If you have a cool English teacher, you might want to ask about using punctuation, where to put periods, and everything ...
Nov 6, 2006 -
Re: Curst by a Breath
Hehehe... you knew I was going to get to this eventually, right? ;) For this story, I think you're telling more than you're showing. So right now you're giving us ...
Nov 6, 2006 -
Re: to Brad: Lytic
people should stop writing about him. his ego is big enough already. Hahaha... but this was in 2005, so he only gets a poem per year. :P
Nov 6, 2006
