Published November 11, 2006
Innocence is beautiful
Dishonesty is ugly.
Perfection is fantasy
Imperfection is human.
Success is an achievement
Failure is a life lesson.
Ambition is determination
Goals are aspirations.
There is no life without meaning.
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all of these words seem very vague ... they're the kind of words philosophers debate the meaning of for years, that people throw out in graduation speeches and political campaigns. i read this poem and and felt like it hadn't hit anything in me, didn't jog any memories, didn't connect to anything solid. maybe this is just me, but it seems like you need something concrete to latch it all on to. telling me that ambition is determination is like defining an unknown word with another equally mysterious word- i'm left not knowing anything more than i started with. try saying the same thing with metaphors or images; at the moment i can't begin to get my mind around it.
So, you have all these descriptors and then .... that last line. I'm not trying to sound like a jerk but, barf. That last line messes everything up. It's bland, it's boring, and it makes the reader wonder why they even spent time reading it in the first place You need a more ... mm.. "WABAM!" ending to tie all the random desscriptors together or something.
Happy Editing.
Meg
Hahaha... shouldn't the answer be 42?
Okay... seriously now, most of the poem is okay, but what I can't stand is the last line:
Life + Meaning
This is partially because I'm this weird math geek who likes numbers and stuff and partly because it doesn't equal anything!
Life + Meaning = ?
So I would advise you to drop the last line.
Also, I think your line "Goals are aspirations" doesn't work because for most of the your poem you say "Blank IS blank" and then you change the format here. So you might want to tweak it.
Hope that helps!