Rydia

Hey thought I'd take a look at the next couple of chapters :) I honestly will start from the beginning and fill in the gaps one day ;) Specifics 1. ...

Happy review day! Specifics 1. After my day had been practically ruined, I had to force myself into staying until my last hour. My instincts were screaming at me to ...

Hello! Specifics 1. My ship’s is damaged, so I can’t escape and, probably, can’t use the ion cannons since they are they're also damaged! Plus, I’ve already dragged a local ...

Happy review day! Specifics 1. “Leave,” Mom said in an unsettlingly stern, icing tone of voice. This sentence is a little awkward. Maybe go with simply 'in a stern tone ...

Hello again! I'm very aware that I'm reading random chapters of this but hopefully you'll still find the review useful... Specifics 1. I love the mundanity of Kassi being at ...

Hello! Specifics 1. There's not a lot of sentence variation in the first paragraph so maybe try to turn at least one of those into a longer, more descriptive sentence. ...

Happy review day! Specifics 1. The dialogue doesn't make a very interesting start to the chapter and it's quite possible that your readers are coming back to this after a ...

Specifics 1. I'd generally advise you to start a new chapter on a little bit of setting description to help ground your reader, unless you have a really interesting piece ...

Happy review day! Specifics 1. I think the beginning of this could be drawn out a little - what does Kassi do in Exspecto before Trissea finds her? Does she ...

It's review day so I came here to give you a hug (and maybe a review...) Specifics 1. I twisted and tugged on the doorknob, and opened the door. Has ...

Specifics 1. There should be a comma after Jack if this is a letter. 2. You've been the only person who asks me if everything is okay, and you listen ...

When you say criticism welcome, you definitely mean from someone who's crazy tired and a little bit tipsy, right? I'm going to take that as a yes... Specifics 1. I ...

First, I wanted to say that this is a beautiful example of when the simplistic approach is the right one. There's a lovely tone to this which draws the reader ...

This is a really sweet poem! I don't have many criticisms so just a few comments below: 1. At the moment it's a bit too long to be a single ...

Hullo! Specifics 1. The first line is a bit long and prosey at the moment - maybe try cutting some of the surplus words and condensing it a little. Like: ...