Painted: 1.1.0

by Kaila

Published March 16, 2016

E - Everyone

In Painted

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Chapter 10

When Kassi awoke in the morning, she knew that Sila was home. The sound of water running came from the kitchen, and then the sound of pots and pans banging about.

Kassi didn't bother to get dressed. She jumped out from underneath the covers and ran to see her mother. Sure enough, Sila was hurrying around between the sink and the stove and the toaster. Her red hair was tied up in a messy bun, and there were rings of sleeplessness under her eyes.

Was it really possible? That the same woman the rebellion had been trying to merely speak to stood in front of her now?

"Oh! Kassi!" Sila offered a quick smile. "I'm making you eggs and toast for breakfast."

"Um, okay." Kassi didn't know what to say. Should she mention that she'd been in Exspecto Locus? Somehow, she didn't want to; she just wanted this moment with her mother; she just wanted things between them to feel the way they used to. But maybe that wasn't possible.

Sila slid Kassi's plate across the counter towards her. It sparkled slightly red.

"Eat up, sweetheart!" Sila urged. "I'm going to go and do some work."

Sila started to walk away, then Kassi called out, "Wait, Mom! I need to talk to you."

Sila didn't seem to hear her. Instead, she announced, "Oh! Look how late it is! You'd better go and get dressed for school or you'll be late."

"But Mom—"

"Go on, get ready!"

She was right; Kassi had to get dressed. She scurried off to her room, hoping that Sila would still be home when the school day was over. Kassi needed to talk to her about the rebellion. She needed to fight for their case. For Trissea.

* * * * *

Kassi curled her knees up to her stomach and took a nibble of her avocado sandwich. The wetness of the grass beneath her was beginning to permeate through her jeans, making her slightly uncomfortable.

The sounds around her carried a buoyancy that could only mean one thing: it was Friday. Groups of girls were giggling excitedly, probably about the various shopping sprees they would go on this weekend, or maybe the new release of Mac Lipstick Ultra Smooth and Sexy, or the new Diva Girls ExtraSparkle Exclusive nail polish, or something like that. In front of Kassi, the boys were playing their traditional Friday basketball game. Jame, of course, was on the winning team.

Kassi took another slow bite of her sandwich and watched Jame jump for the hoop, basketball in hand. The ball whooshed through the net, and his team scored yet another point. She smiled a little to herself.

As Jame ran around on the court, Kassi found herself wondering if Luk could beat Jame in basketball, or vise versa. She scolded herself for how silly this was and returned to her sandwich.

Five minutes later, Kassi thought again of Luk. This time, she wondered who would look better in basketball shoes and a sweat stained t-shirt. She rubbed her forehead and groaned. She knew why Luk versus Jame kept popping up in the back of her head, even though she didn't want to admit it; she liked both of them.

There. So what?

"Arg!" Kassi flopped down in the dewy grass. It was comfortingly cool, and it made her feel more relaxed. She took a couple deep breaths and closed her eyes.

"Hey," said a familiar voice.

"Oh!" Kassi exclaimed and sat bold upright. "I didn't see you there."

Jame smiled. "How's your lunch?"

"Good." It was especially tasty today.

"Can I have a bite?" He gestured to the sandwich she held in her right hand.

"Oh, um... sure."

Kassi tore off a bite for him and he chewed it with great gusto.

"Your mom really knows how to cook," he said through his mouthful of avocado.

Kassi giggled. Jame had a way of cheering her up, even when he didn't know that she needed it.

At last, Jame finished chewing. "Here, I wanted to show you something," he said and pulled a small piece of wood out of his pocket. It was half-whittled. Then he pulled a knife from his belt. Technically, knives that size weren't allowed at school. If someone saw him with it, it could have bad; he could have seriously hurt someone with it. But Kassi wouldn't report him. She trusted him.

Jame whittled away at the wood for a couple of minutes, then held it up to show her. Kassi squinted at it and cocked her head.

"Is it a... a fish?" Kassi asked. It probably wasn't a fish, but that was honestly her best guess.

Jame doubled over in laughter. "It's you, Kassi!"

"Oh!" Kassi tried looking at it from a different angle.

"I know it's not very good," he said and chuckled. "But... it helps me feel close to you when I miss you. It's weird--I know."

Kassi smiled. "I don't think that's weird." It was actually kind of sweet. Even if it looked like a fish.

Kassi returned to her sandwich and they sat in silence for a couple of moments. When Kassi glanced back over at Jame, he had stopped whittling and was staring over at the gossiping circle of girls... at Else.

Oooooh, no. Oh no, no, no.

Else giggled and twirled a piece of her blonde hair on her manicured fingertip.

No, no, no.

"Um, Jame?" Kassi asked after another moment.

"Oh!" He turned back towards her. "Yeah?"

"Um..." Kassi scrambled for something—anything—to say. "Do you want another bite of my sandwich?"

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Morrigan
Review
Morrigan wrote a review Review · May 29, 2016

Hello!

Treat every chapter as if your reader has put the book down in between it and the previous chapter. Remind us more of what has happened. It seems strange that the main character just mentions this other world in passing, without more emotion about it, and goes about her day. Maybe make her remember something about this other world that would lend readers some insight into it.

I don't think that it's necessary to portray "other girls" as vapidly as you showed them. I feel like your main character is going to do that thing that happens in a lot of other young adult novels that only perpetuates sexism. "I'm not like those other girls, who only talk about lipstick and nailpolish. I'm not like them. I'm better." Making the other girl characters so flat doesn't do anything good. Make them real instead of cardboard cutouts of overused stereotypes.

Why are all of their names almost normal but spelled strangely? It was distracting, and I think that maybe you should just make their names normal. It doesn't do anything for the plot, and it only takes the reader out of the world of the story.

Jame feels a little too perfect to me. And really, should Kassi be worried about YA romance when she's off to other worlds in other times? It seems a little unrealistic that she's able to be so in the moment if she's got other things on her mind. I would make her a bit more distracted in that scene, or maybe make Jame less bubbly.

I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy review day, and keep writing!

User avatar
Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review Review · May 29, 2016

Hello again! I'm very aware that I'm reading random chapters of this but hopefully you'll still find the review useful...

Specifics

1. I love the mundanity of Kassi being at home versus in the other world and that we get to see Sila as this worn, tired mother. It's great.

2.

"Oh!" Kassi exclaimed and sat bold upright. "I didn't see you there."
Bold upright is a little awkward. Maybe 'quickly upright' or 'and sprang upright' would work better?

3. Jame seems a bit odd for admitting that he misses Kassi. Guys aren't usually like that unless they're talking to a person they're already dating. But it's sweet and I like a character who goes against the norm!

Overall

The ending is pretty funny and I think Kassi feels more alive when she's in the normal world. She slides very easily into that kind of teenage girl that we've all been/ known. It makes me think that she needs to be a little more like this when she's in Exspecto as well. She doesn't have to be as relaxed because it's a ore stressful world but to see her having these thoughts about boys and making awkward comments makes her a lot more real. That hasn't been shining through as strongly in the other two chapters I read and I can only think it's because she was in the other world.

Anyway, this is a really nice chapter and the end made me smile so good work!

~Heather

User avatar
AkeliaTaske
Comment
AkeliaTaske commented Comment · Mar 16, 2016

Hehe, Kassi sounds fun. She sounds like a young teenager, at least I'm assuming. Nicely done, well written, and greatly described! I didn't get the point of the first part though, the leader of the rebellion is her mother? And who is Else and Jame? And may I give a tip, when you're writing books I would not bring out excessive detail about new things now, that just dates your book. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find out! Nice job!

Kaila replied · Mar 16, 2016

Hi! Thank you for commenting on my chapter :) Just fyi the reason you are probably confused about details is because it sounds you haven't read my previous chapters. That's okay, though! Thank you for reading this one :) :)



Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop