Pyxis

I really like this... the plot was intriguing. My only problems were: 1. The name Twilightstripe. It just seems too long and unrealistic. Though I wouldn't bother changing it if ...

:) This is good. Maybe it could be a few lines longer to explain the thinking back part at the end. Also, that the end was three lines while the ...

This is okay. The one thing that really annoyed me is that it's Scorpius, not Scorpio. Also, I don't think Albus would have called Rosie 'cousin' if he took after ...

This is good considering your age. It could be much longer, though. If you want to capture a reader's interest, maybe you could start out with a scene where you ...

This was good overall. The dialogue was strained. If you added some punctuation that would be much better. I loved your names- Eaglepaw and Whitewater especially. Keep writing! :) :) ...

This is okay. :!: Everyone is saying this, but you really need to space :!: I couldn't tell who was talking and it is much harder to keep your place. ...

This didn't seem serious. Some reasons: 1. It was one sentence 2. Half of it was comprised of *** 3. It was not appropriate for children ages 2-5, but much ...

This was really good. I think the names "Meg" and "Maddy" sound a little to alike though. But that's just my opinion. Others may have loved the names. If you ...

This was funny. I think it needs a different format and more punctuation, though. More people would like it that way, and it would be easier to read. :lol: :lol:

" I was distracted. By Hermionie." Ron pointed over at Hermionie who had walked over to where Ron, Harry and Ginny were on there broms. She had been standing watching ...

It's okay. The grammar is bad. SPACE please! It gave me a headache to read beacause of that. Also, it has a lot a punctuation issues. If you read it ...

Umm... Not the best. Too repetitive, but that is easily fixed. Also, since it said 'brothers' I thought Eragon/Murtagh, but at the end it seemed that it was Eragon/Roran. If ...

:shock: Totally unexpected, but I loved it. I don't think the bit about the guard at the end was necessary, it would be a very dramatic ending without it, leaving ...

I agree with everyone else. Do be serious next time. If you were serious, the addition at the end did not help at all. I don't think any of us ...

:? I didn't like it. It just wasn't well-written in any way (not that my writing's any good) If you sang it to your children when you're older, it could ...