Published April 5, 2007
a big black bad bug bleeds black blood from its bladder and it shudders when it waddles to the toilet and its name is Adder and it gets more badder every minute when it wins it competition that its in it and it gets more sadder when it walks under a ladder every hour when it showers in a bath full of flour and it gets more madder when it sees a murder every day when it says "Go to Cresent Moon bay!"
And then the big black bug, got squashed under a rug!!!
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It's OK though.
This isn't really poetry. If you put it in stanzas rather than in a paragraph it would be considerable, but even then it's a little iffy. It's very scatterbrained and pointless, with some work might be an okay children's poem.
The punctuation....seriously. Please don't make me repeat my long runon sentence to prove my point. Punctuation is a must. See the "Poetry & Punctuation" section. Also, please see the Guidelines for Posting.
Its sort of funny, but a bit random and I don't entirely get what you have to say. But good for little kids if the like black bugs called adder.
Can you write something serious? I want to see what you'd do.
Charlotte aka Charcoal
This was funny.
I think it needs a different format and more punctuation, though. More people would like it that way, and it would be easier to read.